• My Last Post. Goodbye and Hello.

     This will be my last post before I move on and I will no longer be blogging at xanga. I am finally able to close another chapter in my life. These last few days haven't been the greatest. It felt as if I was on quick sand, frantically grasping at wet glass. But my technology free vacation, that I just recently took, gave me time to reflect on myself. It helped remind me of who I am and who I want to become. Xanga has been with me since Winnipeg, and I think it’s time for me to let go.

     

     Letting go, especially of things you don’t really want to let go of and of the past that had become a part of you, hurts. A lot. I’ll be honest. I’m selfish; I sometimes wish for the way things were before. But then I see the people we’ve become and I realize things will never be exactly the way it was. We’re different people now; shaped by the different experiences we’ve had. It’s never going to be the same, but at the same time it would be a new exciting experience to see each other again.

     

     I still miss how we all used to be, especially when I visit your tumblrs or facebook. You’d think I’ll be over it by now, hah, I’m not. No surprise there.

     

         “Keep smiling, keep going, everything has a reason, things will get better.”

     

     I lived using that motto for years. I tried to keep myself busy, by trying to “adapt”. Make new friends, get new hobbies, all that jazz. Not even for a second would I allow myself to stop and think of what I’ve lost. I was scared that if I allowed myself to think of the past, I’d cry and never stop. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself because I would think that other people have it worse.

     

     I stayed in that state for almost 3 years until, one day, I gave up.

    I was tired. Exhausted, numb, overwhelmed.

     

     I talked to a trusted person who was willing to lend an ear. I was told that is was perfectly alright for me not to be happy all the time. That it was ok to feel sad, hurt, or lonely. At long last, I admitted my feeling, I did not hide it, nor did I try to fake it. By admitting how I feel, I was able to break the invisible barrier I made to protect myself from being too attached to anyone and start living life again.

     

     No matter how painful this journey was is. I’m thankful for this experience. It taught me many things, like how important my family and faith is, or how to not carry everything on my shoulders.

     

     Being dropped in a place completely new and having to restart everything can be overwhelming. I had to go beyond my comfort zone to establish everything that I have now. Scary? Yes, but what’s life without a little bit of risk taking. So I guess from this day forth. I will stop staying still and looking back, and finally step forward to what God would bring me. Haha, wish me luck!

  • My Last Post. Goodbye and Hello.

     This will be my last post before I move on and I will no longer be blogging at xanga. I am finally able to close another chapter in my life. These last few days haven't been the greatest. It felt as if I was on quick sand, frantically grasping at wet glass. But my technology free vacation, that I just recently took, gave me time to reflect on myself. It helped remind me of who I am and who I want to become. Xanga has been with me since Winnipeg, and I think it’s time for me to let go.

     

     Letting go, especially of things you don’t really want to let go of and of the past that had become a part of you, hurts. A lot. I’ll be honest. I’m selfish; I sometimes wish for the way things were before. But then I see the people we’ve become and I realize things will never be exactly the way it was. We’re different people now; shaped by the different experiences we’ve had. It’s never going to be the same, but at the same time it would be a new exciting experience to see each other again.

     

     I still miss how we all used to be, especially when I visit your tumblrs or facebook. You’d think I’ll be over it by now, hah, I’m not. No surprise there.

     

         “Keep smiling, keep going, everything has a reason, things will get better.”

     

     I lived using that motto for years. I tried to keep myself busy, by trying to “adapt”. Make new friends, get new hobbies, all that jazz. Not even for a second would I allow myself to stop and think of what I’ve lost. I was scared that if I allowed myself to think of the past, I’d cry and never stop. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself because I would think that other people have it worse.

     

     I stayed in that state for almost 3 years until, one day, I gave up.

    I was tired. Exhausted, numb, overwhelmed.

     

     I talked to a trusted person who was willing to lend an ear. I was told that is was perfectly alright for me not to be happy all the time. That it was ok to feel sad, hurt, or lonely. At long last, I admitted my feeling, I did not hide it, nor did I try to fake it. By admitting how I feel, I was able to break the invisible barrier I made to protect myself from being too attached to anyone and start living life again.

     

     No matter how painful this journey was is. I’m thankful for this experience. It taught me many things, like how important my family and faith is, or how to not carry everything on my shoulders.

     

     Being dropped in a place completely new and having to restart everything can be overwhelming. I had to go beyond my comfort zone to establish everything that I have now. Scary? Yes, but what’s life without a little bit of risk taking. So I guess from this day forth. I will stop staying still and looking back, and finally step forward to what God would bring me. Haha, wish me luck!

  • Risky Website.

     The room went eerie quiet, as the teacher gave out the assigments for the day. Fingers flew over the keyboard and all that could be heard was the continual clicking of keyboards from the students focused on finishing their work before dismissal.

     In this flock of students, a certain individual with shifty eyes was constantly looking from the electronic device in front of her to her teacher a few computers ahead. She reached for the mouse and slowly made her way to firefox. The window popped up, and she was now completely determined at what she was about to do. She enjoys playing with this international cyber wonderland, with a single click of her mouse, she could explore any topic that enters her mind.

     The girl licked her dry lips as she clicked the website. Her heart started beating twice as fast for she knew that she would get into deep trouble if she got caught, but the school seemed to have missed blocking out that particular website. And she does not hold back with oppurtunities given to her. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the dreadful human full of authority begin to approach her desk. Panic begins to sink in as she quickly aborted every window and began typing random smart sentences in the word processor. A sigh of relief escaped her lips when the teacher past her desk to help out the student beside her and all she needed to do was act cool, calm, composed, and uninterested.

     She opened firfox once again without delay as soon as the teacher left her area. She started to tap on the keybaord and the letters soon turned into words and those turned into sentences. Never before had she enjoyed this class as much as today. She gasped at the time and closed the website with a heavy heart.

     Bring Bring~

     Bodies shot up from thier seats and schoolmates began talking to each other as they left the classroom. So absorbed was she in the website, that she did not notice her friend looking over her shoulder.

     "What the heck were you doing all class?"

     A wave of staicfaction came over her and she smiled brightly to her friend.

     "My blog."

  • FML

     FML= Fuck My Life.

     You see teenagers, adults, even kids using this phrase. I find it overdramatic. Was the situtation they were in bad enough that you would fuck your own life?  People use it for the simplest wrong thing;  A bad grade, spilt milk, or when you got told off by someone.

     I no longer feel any sympathy for these people who use this word. I can not understand why people whould want to disregard their own life. Sometimes things get bad and we could not handle it, but that is also the time to ask for some help. It was just recently, that I learned to open up to others. I once thought that I could carry everything in my shoulder, that by doing this, I thought I was being selfless by not asking someone to waste their time listening to my problems. But I now know that by doing this, I am actually being selfish by thinking that the people who are close to me do not deserve to help me ease my pain. Sure times could be difficult and sure people can get tired of listening to problems, but that does not mean you can Fuck your life. Some people might have more difficult problems that they are dealing with, but they are trying as hard as they can to survive.

     People might say that they are just words, but words are not meaningless. They can be powerful. So if you think you are having an "FML" moment. Think. Do I really want to fuck my own life?

  • The Turn Off

     

      I was watching tv last night, and I saw how stupid people can get with trying to impress someone. And it inspired me to write a story about it. I just want to throw it out there, that sometimes trying to impress someone just results in a bad ending.

     

      She held her cell phone close to her chest. “Should I do it?” she wondered out loud. “But maybe he can be—Oh God! This isn’t going to work—But he might for me? — No, they never change—But we could—AHH!” She threw herself unto her bed; the question was too much for her to deal with.

      “Janet!”

      “What!” she shouted as she sat up to see the new visitor.
      “Whoa, didn’t mean to wake you up.”
      “I’m sorry. I’m kinda stressed.  I was in the middle of making a decision.”
     Danielle, Janet’s best friend, examined her thoroughly from her brown, almond eyes to her bright, pink toenails. “Oh yah, return it.”

      “What?”
      “That jacket,” Danielle pointed out, “you should definitely return it. It’s kinda ugly.”

    Janet looked over her black sweat pants and purple sweater. “That’s not what I was deciding on!”
      “Oh. Kidding.” Danielle laughed awkwardly.

    Janet laid down on her pillows with a dreamy look on her face. “I met a boy…”

     

     

          Janet had just finished work and was craving something. She walked into Yomama, a café that had just opened down the street. Her stomach was rumbling so hard that she made a beeline for the yogurt stand, ignoring the brightly painted walls and amateur guitarist playing Jason Mraz’s I’m Yours on the corner.

          She reached over for the mango tart just as a young man went to buy one. Their fingers brushed against one another. He looked up; she looked up. Instantly, their eyes met each other, sparks flew, and they both smiled. All Janet could hear was her heart beating as she gazed upon the man’s sparkling, brown eyes and gelled, spiked-up black hair.

     

     

          

    “I mean, he’s the whole package Danielle! He was hot, he was smart, he was funny, he was tall...hot…and smart! He was perr-fect!”
         Danielle was now even more interested in her best friend’s new found man. “Is he, like, model perfect or actor perfect?”
          “Both!” giggled Janet with a dreamy expression.

          “So then, what’s the problem?”
         “Well…We talked, and he gave me his number. Everything was going good, but then, he took out a cigarette and lit it!”
          Danielle started laughing hysterically.

     “Why are you laughing, you jerk!” complained Janet. To further emphasize her annoyance, Janet threw a pillow straight at Danielle’s head.

     Danielle dodged the pillow easily. She got her friend’s point and tried stifling her laughter. “Well, now what?” she asked, fixing up her brown ponytail.
          Janet sighed as she stared at her cell phone.

         Danielle became curious as she saw the sudden change in her best friend’s expression. She grabbed the phone from Janet’s hands. “Is this his phone number?”

      With a dreamy look on her face, Janet nodded.

    Danielle grinned. She pressed the call button and threw the cell phone back to Janet. “Have fun!”
     “What are you doing?” Janet cried.  She fumbled with her cell phone, trying to hang up.

      “Now all he’s going to see is a miscall,” said the annoyed Danielle.

     “I was deciding on whether to call him or not!”
     “Well, why not?” Danielle was confused. “You said he was perr-fect!”
     “I told you,” Janet threw her hands up in frustration. “He smokes. I hate smoke!”
     “It’s just a date, big whoop.”

    Janet tried to listen to her best friend’s reasoning, but she could not keep the picture of herself choking in cancerous smoke out of her head. She cringed in disgust. “But it’s nasty.”

     “I know,” Danielle teased, “you make him quit. For you.”
     “Forget that! That never happens.”
     “But you can make it happen”
     “No Danielle, I think I would know if I can make it happen.”
    Danielle tried explaining her side of the argument over Janet’s voice—even if she knew that Janet will not be listening—like all the other times before.
     “These things just make these kind of—”

    Ring! Ring!

    The two girls went silent as they read the name. Janet’s heart raced as she slowly reached for the ringing phone and brought it up to her ear.

     

    “H-hello, Janet?” a deep male voice from the phone asked, “I got a miscall.”
     “Y-yea?” Janet replied feeling tongue tied. “No, that wasn’t me…”

    “Umm, are you sure? ‘cause I just saw your name on my phone a few seconds ago.”

     “That’s a funny story, but yah…” Janet laughed awkwardly.

    “Huh, what?”

    “Umm…Hello.”

    “Uh hey, well now that I had you here. Are you free for dinner?”
    What?! I still haven’t decided yet! Danielle urges Janet to say yes, but Janet kept mouthing  the words no to her.

    “Y-yes. I like dinner.” Janet finally said.

    “Cool, I’ll call you later then.”

    “Ok, laters.”

    Danielle was grinning like crazy as Janet hanged up the phone.

     “Ask him if he has a brother.”
     “Oh geez!” moaned Janet.

     

     

     

      The sky was full of stars by the time Phil and Janet came back from their date. Janet walked ahead of Phil as they reached her doorstep. When she turned around, she saw Phil with another cigarette in his mouth.

    “Wow…” Janet said as she watched the smoke float in the air. “So is that like your eighth one tonight?”
     “Yah, I don’t really know.” He replied as he took the half lit cigarette from his mouth and crushed it with his Nike’s shoes. “I lost count. I just love those things.”
     “So tonight was fun. Dinner was great.”
     “Yah, I thought so too. The bread was really good...”

    The two stood at the doorstep in awkward silence. Janet watched in horror as Phil started to lean forward with closed eyes and puckered lips.

      His lips are getting closer and closer towards hers, thoughts rushed into Janet’s Head.

    Oh God, he looks so cute—wait, no! He used that mouth to smokeBut he’s so cute. I’ll tell him I hate smoke. Should I? Yes .No. AHH! He’s almost here, what should I do?

     Janet’s hand went to her lips in defence, “Ah, what are you doing?”
     Phil’s eyes shot open and leaned back hurriedly. “Oh well, you had fun. And I had fun, and we we’re clicking…I’m sorry that was way too forward.”
     “N-no it’s not that,” Janet started to explain. “Here’s the thing. I like you, a lot-”
     “That’s fun, that’s more than a little.”
     “Yah, but I don’t really like that you smoke. I’m sorry.”

    Janet stared at Phil’s smooth olive skinned face, waiting for an answer.

     “W-wait, say that again... So you don’t like that I smoke.”
    Janet shook her head no as Phil’s face showed disgust. His tongue went out. He shook both his hands and head. He moaned.
     “Are you ok, Phil?”

     “No!” Phil said sadly, “I thought you like smoking. That’s why I was doing it so much.”
     “No. No. No. Why would you think that?”
     “I don’t know. I thought girls thought it was cool or sexy or something.”
     “No, that’s not true!”
     “So girls don’t like it?”
     “No,” Janet tucked her long black hair behind her ears, “I don’t think so.”
      Janet heard Phil muttered Stupid! What a waste of money. Janet crossed her fingers behind her back. “So does that mean you don’t smoke?”
     Phil stopped muttering and smiled straight at her. “No.”
     Janet’s heart skipped, she wanted to make sure she was hearing well. “So, you’re not a smoker?”
    ”No.”
    Yes! Janet cheered inside.
    Yes! Yes! Yes! He doesn’t smoke!
     Phil started to say.” I’m glad you said something, or I would have been…”
     “Yah…” Both said as they looked away from each other. Silence once again filled the starry sky until Phil suddenly looked at Janet.

     “So can we kiss now?”

     

    -o- Story inspired by wongfu productions. -o-

  • sleep_chibi   

     Most teenagers define school as a jail, some find it a place to get away from home. School is a big part of my life.

     My brain takes a little longer to get use to change, it accepts things gradually. During school, lessons after lessons in each class keeps piling up. I try hard to keep up and try to understand what the teachers are saying before the next day, but my brain is still at summer time mode.  Just recently, I got a slight fever. I also think that running hard in the rain did not help at all, but that is not I am going to write about.

      During summer, we sleep late,wake up late, pretty much do whatever we want. Then school starts and we have to follow a time schedule and study for tests or quizzes. What do you do when change comes? Do you just sit down and let is past? Do you go along with it? Or are you one of the people who won't let go of the past just yet? Change is inevitable, everybody experiences it. But it is how we accept change that is different than the people around us. Hopefully there are some people that will help you on the way.

  • Not one of them.

    Jealousy: a feeling of jealous envy especially from a rival

     You heard those stories about jealousy in a relationship. The partner trying to butt in whenever they find someone getting too close to the other, or even telling other people to stop hangin around them.

     I've seen and heard those problems too many times with other couples. I told myself I will never be like one of them: Obsessive, jealous, bossy...

     I trust him, I have no reason to be jealous. He choose me over many other people from his town. And yet why am I jealous? It bugs me to pieces when he is too friendly with other girls, but I'm not going to let it get to me. I like him too much to risk a chance of us fighting over something stupid.

     So I'll stand by my words. I will not be like them.

     

  • Feelings Before the New School Year

    Anxious, nervous, scared, or excited?

     Those are just some of the feelings that are dwelling in my body right now. School is just around the corner, in fact it is just a couple of hours away.

     Summer is already over, and for the first time ever, the weather came at the right time. Summer this year felt too short. Probably because I was actually active.
     
     Time to find all my supplies, and start trudging my way back to school with my heavy backpack. Now that I am on my final year at my school, most of my friends have moved to a bigger school.

     New school year, new haircut, new faces. And a fresh new start for me.

     I wish everyone their best on the new school year!

  • Nounai Maker

      I found this nounai maker after watching Arashi playing with it one day.

          The nounai maker is this site which can read your mind and shows what is inside using a picture. All you have to do is click this link http://maker.usoko.net/nounai/  and write your nickname or fullname. The results will come up in kanji and it will show you what is in your mind.

    This is the index for the kanji meanings:

     nounaiindex

     This is what was in my mind, it is pretty funny how accurate it could be.

    nikki I have lies(red), worries( blue) love(pink), food( green), and a lot of escape( semi yellow?).

       Its not scientific but its very fun to use.

  •    Sleep is the best medicine my mind has ever taken, yet why can't my body agree?

       Yesterday, my schedule took every last bit of me. Wake up around 7, fix my gym bag, eat breakfast, find some lunch, and head out by 8. I arrived at the seminar really close to being late. For the next eight hours, I was being taught by the highest rank master of Taekwon-do.  It was an amazing experience! I learned more about the martial art in that day than in 2 months in the dojang.

      After the seminar, I was suppose to have an hour and a half to return home and get ready for a dance performance. But the seminar ran late, and I only had thirty minutes left. Somehow my family and I made it just in time. We stayed for the party until very late, I think I passed out in bed  because I couldn't remember my dream that night xD

      I felt so happy the next morning because there was nothing planned in the week, but my muscles ached all over. Haha, I wish I can stay in bed, but I have to clean the house.

  •   The girl practically lived in her bestfriend's house. Her bestfriend's family knew her like she was part of the family. She'll occasionally help out the parents, look after the younger siblings, or take care of their pet. She used to come over to talk about the latest gossip, to share some of her favourite artist, and just t hang out with her friend. Everytime she visits she'll find herself in a fight with the older brother because of the constant teasing. The years went by and the girl had to move. She found herself missing those moments. Although she woudn't admit it, she does like him. The girl grew older and moved. And by some strange moment, they met again. They started chatting and laughing about the old times. She realized that she still liked him and blurted it out. Turns out he also always liked her.

      boy_holding_roses  I've never really thought, that a similar cliché story could ever happen to me.

    Gulay,my heart started beating so fast when I heard from him again. I was in pure shock when he told me

    "I like you." Maybe it was just 'the tought of the idea of me liking someone' that made me say yes. But right now, I'm not regretting it.  Although it might be awkward when I'll see my friend.   xP I'll just hope for the best.

Sunday, 25 October 2009

  • My Last Post. Goodbye and Hello.

     This will be my last post before I move on and I will no longer be blogging at xanga. I am finally able to close another chapter in my life. These last few days haven't been the greatest. It felt as if I was on quick sand, frantically grasping at wet glass. But my technology free vacation, that I just recently took, gave me time to reflect on myself. It helped remind me of who I am and who I want to become. Xanga has been with me since Winnipeg, and I think it’s time for me to let go.

     

     Letting go, especially of things you don’t really want to let go of and of the past that had become a part of you, hurts. A lot. I’ll be honest. I’m selfish; I sometimes wish for the way things were before. But then I see the people we’ve become and I realize things will never be exactly the way it was. We’re different people now; shaped by the different experiences we’ve had. It’s never going to be the same, but at the same time it would be a new exciting experience to see each other again.

     

     I still miss how we all used to be, especially when I visit your tumblrs or facebook. You’d think I’ll be over it by now, hah, I’m not. No surprise there.

     

         “Keep smiling, keep going, everything has a reason, things will get better.”

     

     I lived using that motto for years. I tried to keep myself busy, by trying to “adapt”. Make new friends, get new hobbies, all that jazz. Not even for a second would I allow myself to stop and think of what I’ve lost. I was scared that if I allowed myself to think of the past, I’d cry and never stop. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself because I would think that other people have it worse.

     

     I stayed in that state for almost 3 years until, one day, I gave up.

    I was tired. Exhausted, numb, overwhelmed.

     

     I talked to a trusted person who was willing to lend an ear. I was told that is was perfectly alright for me not to be happy all the time. That it was ok to feel sad, hurt, or lonely. At long last, I admitted my feeling, I did not hide it, nor did I try to fake it. By admitting how I feel, I was able to break the invisible barrier I made to protect myself from being too attached to anyone and start living life again.

     

     No matter how painful this journey was is. I’m thankful for this experience. It taught me many things, like how important my family and faith is, or how to not carry everything on my shoulders.

     

     Being dropped in a place completely new and having to restart everything can be overwhelming. I had to go beyond my comfort zone to establish everything that I have now. Scary? Yes, but what’s life without a little bit of risk taking. So I guess from this day forth. I will stop staying still and looking back, and finally step forward to what God would bring me. Haha, wish me luck!

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

  • Risky Website.

     The room went eerie quiet, as the teacher gave out the assigments for the day. Fingers flew over the keyboard and all that could be heard was the continual clicking of keyboards from the students focused on finishing their work before dismissal.

     In this flock of students, a certain individual with shifty eyes was constantly looking from the electronic device in front of her to her teacher a few computers ahead. She reached for the mouse and slowly made her way to firefox. The window popped up, and she was now completely determined at what she was about to do. She enjoys playing with this international cyber wonderland, with a single click of her mouse, she could explore any topic that enters her mind.

     The girl licked her dry lips as she clicked the website. Her heart started beating twice as fast for she knew that she would get into deep trouble if she got caught, but the school seemed to have missed blocking out that particular website. And she does not hold back with oppurtunities given to her. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the dreadful human full of authority begin to approach her desk. Panic begins to sink in as she quickly aborted every window and began typing random smart sentences in the word processor. A sigh of relief escaped her lips when the teacher past her desk to help out the student beside her and all she needed to do was act cool, calm, composed, and uninterested.

     She opened firfox once again without delay as soon as the teacher left her area. She started to tap on the keybaord and the letters soon turned into words and those turned into sentences. Never before had she enjoyed this class as much as today. She gasped at the time and closed the website with a heavy heart.

     Bring Bring~

     Bodies shot up from thier seats and schoolmates began talking to each other as they left the classroom. So absorbed was she in the website, that she did not notice her friend looking over her shoulder.

     "What the heck were you doing all class?"

     A wave of staicfaction came over her and she smiled brightly to her friend.

     "My blog."

  • My Last Post. Goodbye and Hello.

     This will be my last post before I move on and I will no longer be blogging at xanga. I am finally able to close another chapter in my life. These last few days haven't been the greatest. It felt as if I was on quick sand, frantically grasping at wet glass. But my technology free vacation, that I just recently took, gave me time to reflect on myself. It helped remind me of who I am and who I want to become. Xanga has been with me since Winnipeg, and I think it’s time for me to let go.

     

     Letting go, especially of things you don’t really want to let go of and of the past that had become a part of you, hurts. A lot. I’ll be honest. I’m selfish; I sometimes wish for the way things were before. But then I see the people we’ve become and I realize things will never be exactly the way it was. We’re different people now; shaped by the different experiences we’ve had. It’s never going to be the same, but at the same time it would be a new exciting experience to see each other again.

     

     I still miss how we all used to be, especially when I visit your tumblrs or facebook. You’d think I’ll be over it by now, hah, I’m not. No surprise there.

     

         “Keep smiling, keep going, everything has a reason, things will get better.”

     

     I lived using that motto for years. I tried to keep myself busy, by trying to “adapt”. Make new friends, get new hobbies, all that jazz. Not even for a second would I allow myself to stop and think of what I’ve lost. I was scared that if I allowed myself to think of the past, I’d cry and never stop. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself because I would think that other people have it worse.

     

     I stayed in that state for almost 3 years until, one day, I gave up.

    I was tired. Exhausted, numb, overwhelmed.

     

     I talked to a trusted person who was willing to lend an ear. I was told that is was perfectly alright for me not to be happy all the time. That it was ok to feel sad, hurt, or lonely. At long last, I admitted my feeling, I did not hide it, nor did I try to fake it. By admitting how I feel, I was able to break the invisible barrier I made to protect myself from being too attached to anyone and start living life again.

     

     No matter how painful this journey was is. I’m thankful for this experience. It taught me many things, like how important my family and faith is, or how to not carry everything on my shoulders.

     

     Being dropped in a place completely new and having to restart everything can be overwhelming. I had to go beyond my comfort zone to establish everything that I have now. Scary? Yes, but what’s life without a little bit of risk taking. So I guess from this day forth. I will stop staying still and looking back, and finally step forward to what God would bring me. Haha, wish me luck!

  • My Last Post. Goodbye and Hello.

     This will be my last post before I move on and I will no longer be blogging at xanga. I am finally able to close another chapter in my life. These last few days haven't been the greatest. It felt as if I was on quick sand, frantically grasping at wet glass. But my technology free vacation, that I just recently took, gave me time to reflect on myself. It helped remind me of who I am and who I want to become. Xanga has been with me since Winnipeg, and I think it’s time for me to let go.

     

     Letting go, especially of things you don’t really want to let go of and of the past that had become a part of you, hurts. A lot. I’ll be honest. I’m selfish; I sometimes wish for the way things were before. But then I see the people we’ve become and I realize things will never be exactly the way it was. We’re different people now; shaped by the different experiences we’ve had. It’s never going to be the same, but at the same time it would be a new exciting experience to see each other again.

     

     I still miss how we all used to be, especially when I visit your tumblrs or facebook. You’d think I’ll be over it by now, hah, I’m not. No surprise there.

     

         “Keep smiling, keep going, everything has a reason, things will get better.”

     

     I lived using that motto for years. I tried to keep myself busy, by trying to “adapt”. Make new friends, get new hobbies, all that jazz. Not even for a second would I allow myself to stop and think of what I’ve lost. I was scared that if I allowed myself to think of the past, I’d cry and never stop. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself because I would think that other people have it worse.

     

     I stayed in that state for almost 3 years until, one day, I gave up.

    I was tired. Exhausted, numb, overwhelmed.

     

     I talked to a trusted person who was willing to lend an ear. I was told that is was perfectly alright for me not to be happy all the time. That it was ok to feel sad, hurt, or lonely. At long last, I admitted my feeling, I did not hide it, nor did I try to fake it. By admitting how I feel, I was able to break the invisible barrier I made to protect myself from being too attached to anyone and start living life again.

     

     No matter how painful this journey was is. I’m thankful for this experience. It taught me many things, like how important my family and faith is, or how to not carry everything on my shoulders.

     

     Being dropped in a place completely new and having to restart everything can be overwhelming. I had to go beyond my comfort zone to establish everything that I have now. Scary? Yes, but what’s life without a little bit of risk taking. So I guess from this day forth. I will stop staying still and looking back, and finally step forward to what God would bring me. Haha, wish me luck!

  • My Last Post. Goodbye and Hello.

     This will be my last post before I move on and I will no longer be blogging at xanga. I am finally able to close another chapter in my life. These last few days haven't been the greatest. It felt as if I was on quick sand, frantically grasping at wet glass. But my technology free vacation, that I just recently took, gave me time to reflect on myself. It helped remind me of who I am and who I want to become. Xanga has been with me since Winnipeg, and I think it’s time for me to let go.

     

     Letting go, especially of things you don’t really want to let go of and of the past that had become a part of you, hurts. A lot. I’ll be honest. I’m selfish; I sometimes wish for the way things were before. But then I see the people we’ve become and I realize things will never be exactly the way it was. We’re different people now; shaped by the different experiences we’ve had. It’s never going to be the same, but at the same time it would be a new exciting experience to see each other again.

     

     I still miss how we all used to be, especially when I visit your tumblrs or facebook. You’d think I’ll be over it by now, hah, I’m not. No surprise there.

     

         “Keep smiling, keep going, everything has a reason, things will get better.”

     

     I lived using that motto for years. I tried to keep myself busy, by trying to “adapt”. Make new friends, get new hobbies, all that jazz. Not even for a second would I allow myself to stop and think of what I’ve lost. I was scared that if I allowed myself to think of the past, I’d cry and never stop. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself because I would think that other people have it worse.

     

     I stayed in that state for almost 3 years until, one day, I gave up.

    I was tired. Exhausted, numb, overwhelmed.

     

     I talked to a trusted person who was willing to lend an ear. I was told that is was perfectly alright for me not to be happy all the time. That it was ok to feel sad, hurt, or lonely. At long last, I admitted my feeling, I did not hide it, nor did I try to fake it. By admitting how I feel, I was able to break the invisible barrier I made to protect myself from being too attached to anyone and start living life again.

     

     No matter how painful this journey was is. I’m thankful for this experience. It taught me many things, like how important my family and faith is, or how to not carry everything on my shoulders.

     

     Being dropped in a place completely new and having to restart everything can be overwhelming. I had to go beyond my comfort zone to establish everything that I have now. Scary? Yes, but what’s life without a little bit of risk taking. So I guess from this day forth. I will stop staying still and looking back, and finally step forward to what God would bring me. Haha, wish me luck!

  • Risky Website.

     The room went eerie quiet, as the teacher gave out the assigments for the day. Fingers flew over the keyboard and all that could be heard was the continual clicking of keyboards from the students focused on finishing their work before dismissal.

     In this flock of students, a certain individual with shifty eyes was constantly looking from the electronic device in front of her to her teacher a few computers ahead. She reached for the mouse and slowly made her way to firefox. The window popped up, and she was now completely determined at what she was about to do. She enjoys playing with this international cyber wonderland, with a single click of her mouse, she could explore any topic that enters her mind.

     The girl licked her dry lips as she clicked the website. Her heart started beating twice as fast for she knew that she would get into deep trouble if she got caught, but the school seemed to have missed blocking out that particular website. And she does not hold back with oppurtunities given to her. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the dreadful human full of authority begin to approach her desk. Panic begins to sink in as she quickly aborted every window and began typing random smart sentences in the word processor. A sigh of relief escaped her lips when the teacher past her desk to help out the student beside her and all she needed to do was act cool, calm, composed, and uninterested.

     She opened firfox once again without delay as soon as the teacher left her area. She started to tap on the keybaord and the letters soon turned into words and those turned into sentences. Never before had she enjoyed this class as much as today. She gasped at the time and closed the website with a heavy heart.

     Bring Bring~

     Bodies shot up from thier seats and schoolmates began talking to each other as they left the classroom. So absorbed was she in the website, that she did not notice her friend looking over her shoulder.

     "What the heck were you doing all class?"

     A wave of staicfaction came over her and she smiled brightly to her friend.

     "My blog."

  • FML

     FML= Fuck My Life.

     You see teenagers, adults, even kids using this phrase. I find it overdramatic. Was the situtation they were in bad enough that you would fuck your own life?  People use it for the simplest wrong thing;  A bad grade, spilt milk, or when you got told off by someone.

     I no longer feel any sympathy for these people who use this word. I can not understand why people whould want to disregard their own life. Sometimes things get bad and we could not handle it, but that is also the time to ask for some help. It was just recently, that I learned to open up to others. I once thought that I could carry everything in my shoulder, that by doing this, I thought I was being selfless by not asking someone to waste their time listening to my problems. But I now know that by doing this, I am actually being selfish by thinking that the people who are close to me do not deserve to help me ease my pain. Sure times could be difficult and sure people can get tired of listening to problems, but that does not mean you can Fuck your life. Some people might have more difficult problems that they are dealing with, but they are trying as hard as they can to survive.

     People might say that they are just words, but words are not meaningless. They can be powerful. So if you think you are having an "FML" moment. Think. Do I really want to fuck my own life?

  • The Turn Off

     

      I was watching tv last night, and I saw how stupid people can get with trying to impress someone. And it inspired me to write a story about it. I just want to throw it out there, that sometimes trying to impress someone just results in a bad ending.

     

      She held her cell phone close to her chest. “Should I do it?” she wondered out loud. “But maybe he can be—Oh God! This isn’t going to work—But he might for me? — No, they never change—But we could—AHH!” She threw herself unto her bed; the question was too much for her to deal with.

      “Janet!”

      “What!” she shouted as she sat up to see the new visitor.
      “Whoa, didn’t mean to wake you up.”
      “I’m sorry. I’m kinda stressed.  I was in the middle of making a decision.”
     Danielle, Janet’s best friend, examined her thoroughly from her brown, almond eyes to her bright, pink toenails. “Oh yah, return it.”

      “What?”
      “That jacket,” Danielle pointed out, “you should definitely return it. It’s kinda ugly.”

    Janet looked over her black sweat pants and purple sweater. “That’s not what I was deciding on!”
      “Oh. Kidding.” Danielle laughed awkwardly.

    Janet laid down on her pillows with a dreamy look on her face. “I met a boy…”

     

     

          Janet had just finished work and was craving something. She walked into Yomama, a café that had just opened down the street. Her stomach was rumbling so hard that she made a beeline for the yogurt stand, ignoring the brightly painted walls and amateur guitarist playing Jason Mraz’s I’m Yours on the corner.

          She reached over for the mango tart just as a young man went to buy one. Their fingers brushed against one another. He looked up; she looked up. Instantly, their eyes met each other, sparks flew, and they both smiled. All Janet could hear was her heart beating as she gazed upon the man’s sparkling, brown eyes and gelled, spiked-up black hair.

     

     

          

    “I mean, he’s the whole package Danielle! He was hot, he was smart, he was funny, he was tall...hot…and smart! He was perr-fect!”
         Danielle was now even more interested in her best friend’s new found man. “Is he, like, model perfect or actor perfect?”
          “Both!” giggled Janet with a dreamy expression.

          “So then, what’s the problem?”
         “Well…We talked, and he gave me his number. Everything was going good, but then, he took out a cigarette and lit it!”
          Danielle started laughing hysterically.

     “Why are you laughing, you jerk!” complained Janet. To further emphasize her annoyance, Janet threw a pillow straight at Danielle’s head.

     Danielle dodged the pillow easily. She got her friend’s point and tried stifling her laughter. “Well, now what?” she asked, fixing up her brown ponytail.
          Janet sighed as she stared at her cell phone.

         Danielle became curious as she saw the sudden change in her best friend’s expression. She grabbed the phone from Janet’s hands. “Is this his phone number?”

      With a dreamy look on her face, Janet nodded.

    Danielle grinned. She pressed the call button and threw the cell phone back to Janet. “Have fun!”
     “What are you doing?” Janet cried.  She fumbled with her cell phone, trying to hang up.

      “Now all he’s going to see is a miscall,” said the annoyed Danielle.

     “I was deciding on whether to call him or not!”
     “Well, why not?” Danielle was confused. “You said he was perr-fect!”
     “I told you,” Janet threw her hands up in frustration. “He smokes. I hate smoke!”
     “It’s just a date, big whoop.”

    Janet tried to listen to her best friend’s reasoning, but she could not keep the picture of herself choking in cancerous smoke out of her head. She cringed in disgust. “But it’s nasty.”

     “I know,” Danielle teased, “you make him quit. For you.”
     “Forget that! That never happens.”
     “But you can make it happen”
     “No Danielle, I think I would know if I can make it happen.”
    Danielle tried explaining her side of the argument over Janet’s voice—even if she knew that Janet will not be listening—like all the other times before.
     “These things just make these kind of—”

    Ring! Ring!

    The two girls went silent as they read the name. Janet’s heart raced as she slowly reached for the ringing phone and brought it up to her ear.

     

    “H-hello, Janet?” a deep male voice from the phone asked, “I got a miscall.”
     “Y-yea?” Janet replied feeling tongue tied. “No, that wasn’t me…”

    “Umm, are you sure? ‘cause I just saw your name on my phone a few seconds ago.”

     “That’s a funny story, but yah…” Janet laughed awkwardly.

    “Huh, what?”

    “Umm…Hello.”

    “Uh hey, well now that I had you here. Are you free for dinner?”
    What?! I still haven’t decided yet! Danielle urges Janet to say yes, but Janet kept mouthing  the words no to her.

    “Y-yes. I like dinner.” Janet finally said.

    “Cool, I’ll call you later then.”

    “Ok, laters.”

    Danielle was grinning like crazy as Janet hanged up the phone.

     “Ask him if he has a brother.”
     “Oh geez!” moaned Janet.

     

     

     

      The sky was full of stars by the time Phil and Janet came back from their date. Janet walked ahead of Phil as they reached her doorstep. When she turned around, she saw Phil with another cigarette in his mouth.

    “Wow…” Janet said as she watched the smoke float in the air. “So is that like your eighth one tonight?”
     “Yah, I don’t really know.” He replied as he took the half lit cigarette from his mouth and crushed it with his Nike’s shoes. “I lost count. I just love those things.”
     “So tonight was fun. Dinner was great.”
     “Yah, I thought so too. The bread was really good...”

    The two stood at the doorstep in awkward silence. Janet watched in horror as Phil started to lean forward with closed eyes and puckered lips.

      His lips are getting closer and closer towards hers, thoughts rushed into Janet’s Head.

    Oh God, he looks so cute—wait, no! He used that mouth to smokeBut he’s so cute. I’ll tell him I hate smoke. Should I? Yes .No. AHH! He’s almost here, what should I do?

     Janet’s hand went to her lips in defence, “Ah, what are you doing?”
     Phil’s eyes shot open and leaned back hurriedly. “Oh well, you had fun. And I had fun, and we we’re clicking…I’m sorry that was way too forward.”
     “N-no it’s not that,” Janet started to explain. “Here’s the thing. I like you, a lot-”
     “That’s fun, that’s more than a little.”
     “Yah, but I don’t really like that you smoke. I’m sorry.”

    Janet stared at Phil’s smooth olive skinned face, waiting for an answer.

     “W-wait, say that again... So you don’t like that I smoke.”
    Janet shook her head no as Phil’s face showed disgust. His tongue went out. He shook both his hands and head. He moaned.
     “Are you ok, Phil?”

     “No!” Phil said sadly, “I thought you like smoking. That’s why I was doing it so much.”
     “No. No. No. Why would you think that?”
     “I don’t know. I thought girls thought it was cool or sexy or something.”
     “No, that’s not true!”
     “So girls don’t like it?”
     “No,” Janet tucked her long black hair behind her ears, “I don’t think so.”
      Janet heard Phil muttered Stupid! What a waste of money. Janet crossed her fingers behind her back. “So does that mean you don’t smoke?”
     Phil stopped muttering and smiled straight at her. “No.”
     Janet’s heart skipped, she wanted to make sure she was hearing well. “So, you’re not a smoker?”
    ”No.”
    Yes! Janet cheered inside.
    Yes! Yes! Yes! He doesn’t smoke!
     Phil started to say.” I’m glad you said something, or I would have been…”
     “Yah…” Both said as they looked away from each other. Silence once again filled the starry sky until Phil suddenly looked at Janet.

     “So can we kiss now?”

     

    -o- Story inspired by wongfu productions. -o-

  • sleep_chibi   

     Most teenagers define school as a jail, some find it a place to get away from home. School is a big part of my life.

     My brain takes a little longer to get use to change, it accepts things gradually. During school, lessons after lessons in each class keeps piling up. I try hard to keep up and try to understand what the teachers are saying before the next day, but my brain is still at summer time mode.  Just recently, I got a slight fever. I also think that running hard in the rain did not help at all, but that is not I am going to write about.

      During summer, we sleep late,wake up late, pretty much do whatever we want. Then school starts and we have to follow a time schedule and study for tests or quizzes. What do you do when change comes? Do you just sit down and let is past? Do you go along with it? Or are you one of the people who won't let go of the past just yet? Change is inevitable, everybody experiences it. But it is how we accept change that is different than the people around us. Hopefully there are some people that will help you on the way.

  • Not one of them.

    Jealousy: a feeling of jealous envy especially from a rival

     You heard those stories about jealousy in a relationship. The partner trying to butt in whenever they find someone getting too close to the other, or even telling other people to stop hangin around them.

     I've seen and heard those problems too many times with other couples. I told myself I will never be like one of them: Obsessive, jealous, bossy...

     I trust him, I have no reason to be jealous. He choose me over many other people from his town. And yet why am I jealous? It bugs me to pieces when he is too friendly with other girls, but I'm not going to let it get to me. I like him too much to risk a chance of us fighting over something stupid.

     So I'll stand by my words. I will not be like them.

     

  • Feelings Before the New School Year

    Anxious, nervous, scared, or excited?

     Those are just some of the feelings that are dwelling in my body right now. School is just around the corner, in fact it is just a couple of hours away.

     Summer is already over, and for the first time ever, the weather came at the right time. Summer this year felt too short. Probably because I was actually active.
     
     Time to find all my supplies, and start trudging my way back to school with my heavy backpack. Now that I am on my final year at my school, most of my friends have moved to a bigger school.

     New school year, new haircut, new faces. And a fresh new start for me.

     I wish everyone their best on the new school year!

  • Nounai Maker

      I found this nounai maker after watching Arashi playing with it one day.

          The nounai maker is this site which can read your mind and shows what is inside using a picture. All you have to do is click this link http://maker.usoko.net/nounai/  and write your nickname or fullname. The results will come up in kanji and it will show you what is in your mind.

    This is the index for the kanji meanings:

     nounaiindex

     This is what was in my mind, it is pretty funny how accurate it could be.

    nikki I have lies(red), worries( blue) love(pink), food( green), and a lot of escape( semi yellow?).

       Its not scientific but its very fun to use.

  •    Sleep is the best medicine my mind has ever taken, yet why can't my body agree?

       Yesterday, my schedule took every last bit of me. Wake up around 7, fix my gym bag, eat breakfast, find some lunch, and head out by 8. I arrived at the seminar really close to being late. For the next eight hours, I was being taught by the highest rank master of Taekwon-do.  It was an amazing experience! I learned more about the martial art in that day than in 2 months in the dojang.

      After the seminar, I was suppose to have an hour and a half to return home and get ready for a dance performance. But the seminar ran late, and I only had thirty minutes left. Somehow my family and I made it just in time. We stayed for the party until very late, I think I passed out in bed  because I couldn't remember my dream that night xD

      I felt so happy the next morning because there was nothing planned in the week, but my muscles ached all over. Haha, I wish I can stay in bed, but I have to clean the house.

  •   The girl practically lived in her bestfriend's house. Her bestfriend's family knew her like she was part of the family. She'll occasionally help out the parents, look after the younger siblings, or take care of their pet. She used to come over to talk about the latest gossip, to share some of her favourite artist, and just t hang out with her friend. Everytime she visits she'll find herself in a fight with the older brother because of the constant teasing. The years went by and the girl had to move. She found herself missing those moments. Although she woudn't admit it, she does like him. The girl grew older and moved. And by some strange moment, they met again. They started chatting and laughing about the old times. She realized that she still liked him and blurted it out. Turns out he also always liked her.

      boy_holding_roses  I've never really thought, that a similar cliché story could ever happen to me.

    Gulay,my heart started beating so fast when I heard from him again. I was in pure shock when he told me

    "I like you." Maybe it was just 'the tought of the idea of me liking someone' that made me say yes. But right now, I'm not regretting it.  Although it might be awkward when I'll see my friend.   xP I'll just hope for the best.

  • My Last Post. Goodbye and Hello.

     This will be my last post before I move on and I will no longer be blogging at xanga. I am finally able to close another chapter in my life. These last few days haven't been the greatest. It felt as if I was on quick sand, frantically grasping at wet glass. But my technology free vacation, that I just recently took, gave me time to reflect on myself. It helped remind me of who I am and who I want to become. Xanga has been with me since Winnipeg, and I think it’s time for me to let go.

     

     Letting go, especially of things you don’t really want to let go of and of the past that had become a part of you, hurts. A lot. I’ll be honest. I’m selfish; I sometimes wish for the way things were before. But then I see the people we’ve become and I realize things will never be exactly the way it was. We’re different people now; shaped by the different experiences we’ve had. It’s never going to be the same, but at the same time it would be a new exciting experience to see each other again.

     

     I still miss how we all used to be, especially when I visit your tumblrs or facebook. You’d think I’ll be over it by now, hah, I’m not. No surprise there.

     

         “Keep smiling, keep going, everything has a reason, things will get better.”

     

     I lived using that motto for years. I tried to keep myself busy, by trying to “adapt”. Make new friends, get new hobbies, all that jazz. Not even for a second would I allow myself to stop and think of what I’ve lost. I was scared that if I allowed myself to think of the past, I’d cry and never stop. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself because I would think that other people have it worse.

     

     I stayed in that state for almost 3 years until, one day, I gave up.

    I was tired. Exhausted, numb, overwhelmed.

     

     I talked to a trusted person who was willing to lend an ear. I was told that is was perfectly alright for me not to be happy all the time. That it was ok to feel sad, hurt, or lonely. At long last, I admitted my feeling, I did not hide it, nor did I try to fake it. By admitting how I feel, I was able to break the invisible barrier I made to protect myself from being too attached to anyone and start living life again.

     

     No matter how painful this journey was is. I’m thankful for this experience. It taught me many things, like how important my family and faith is, or how to not carry everything on my shoulders.

     

     Being dropped in a place completely new and having to restart everything can be overwhelming. I had to go beyond my comfort zone to establish everything that I have now. Scary? Yes, but what’s life without a little bit of risk taking. So I guess from this day forth. I will stop staying still and looking back, and finally step forward to what God would bring me. Haha, wish me luck!

Weblog

  • My Last Post. Goodbye and Hello.

     This will be my last post before I move on and I will no longer be blogging at xanga. I am finally able to close another chapter in my life. These last few days haven't been the greatest. It felt as if I was on quick sand, frantically grasping at wet glass. But my technology free vacation, that I just recently took, gave me time to reflect on myself. It helped remind me of who I am and who I want to become. Xanga has been with me since Winnipeg, and I think it’s time for me to let go.

     

     Letting go, especially of things you don’t really want to let go of and of the past that had become a part of you, hurts. A lot. I’ll be honest. I’m selfish; I sometimes wish for the way things were before. But then I see the people we’ve become and I realize things will never be exactly the way it was. We’re different people now; shaped by the different experiences we’ve had. It’s never going to be the same, but at the same time it would be a new exciting experience to see each other again.

     

     I still miss how we all used to be, especially when I visit your tumblrs or facebook. You’d think I’ll be over it by now, hah, I’m not. No surprise there.

     

         “Keep smiling, keep going, everything has a reason, things will get better.”

     

     I lived using that motto for years. I tried to keep myself busy, by trying to “adapt”. Make new friends, get new hobbies, all that jazz. Not even for a second would I allow myself to stop and think of what I’ve lost. I was scared that if I allowed myself to think of the past, I’d cry and never stop. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself because I would think that other people have it worse.

     

     I stayed in that state for almost 3 years until, one day, I gave up.

    I was tired. Exhausted, numb, overwhelmed.

     

     I talked to a trusted person who was willing to lend an ear. I was told that is was perfectly alright for me not to be happy all the time. That it was ok to feel sad, hurt, or lonely. At long last, I admitted my feeling, I did not hide it, nor did I try to fake it. By admitting how I feel, I was able to break the invisible barrier I made to protect myself from being too attached to anyone and start living life again.

     

     No matter how painful this journey was is. I’m thankful for this experience. It taught me many things, like how important my family and faith is, or how to not carry everything on my shoulders.

     

     Being dropped in a place completely new and having to restart everything can be overwhelming. I had to go beyond my comfort zone to establish everything that I have now. Scary? Yes, but what’s life without a little bit of risk taking. So I guess from this day forth. I will stop staying still and looking back, and finally step forward to what God would bring me. Haha, wish me luck!

  • Risky Website.

     The room went eerie quiet, as the teacher gave out the assigments for the day. Fingers flew over the keyboard and all that could be heard was the continual clicking of keyboards from the students focused on finishing their work before dismissal.

     In this flock of students, a certain individual with shifty eyes was constantly looking from the electronic device in front of her to her teacher a few computers ahead. She reached for the mouse and slowly made her way to firefox. The window popped up, and she was now completely determined at what she was about to do. She enjoys playing with this international cyber wonderland, with a single click of her mouse, she could explore any topic that enters her mind.

     The girl licked her dry lips as she clicked the website. Her heart started beating twice as fast for she knew that she would get into deep trouble if she got caught, but the school seemed to have missed blocking out that particular website. And she does not hold back with oppurtunities given to her. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the dreadful human full of authority begin to approach her desk. Panic begins to sink in as she quickly aborted every window and began typing random smart sentences in the word processor. A sigh of relief escaped her lips when the teacher past her desk to help out the student beside her and all she needed to do was act cool, calm, composed, and uninterested.

     She opened firfox once again without delay as soon as the teacher left her area. She started to tap on the keybaord and the letters soon turned into words and those turned into sentences. Never before had she enjoyed this class as much as today. She gasped at the time and closed the website with a heavy heart.

     Bring Bring~

     Bodies shot up from thier seats and schoolmates began talking to each other as they left the classroom. So absorbed was she in the website, that she did not notice her friend looking over her shoulder.

     "What the heck were you doing all class?"

     A wave of staicfaction came over her and she smiled brightly to her friend.

     "My blog."

  • FML

     FML= Fuck My Life.

     You see teenagers, adults, even kids using this phrase. I find it overdramatic. Was the situtation they were in bad enough that you would fuck your own life?  People use it for the simplest wrong thing;  A bad grade, spilt milk, or when you got told off by someone.

     I no longer feel any sympathy for these people who use this word. I can not understand why people whould want to disregard their own life. Sometimes things get bad and we could not handle it, but that is also the time to ask for some help. It was just recently, that I learned to open up to others. I once thought that I could carry everything in my shoulder, that by doing this, I thought I was being selfless by not asking someone to waste their time listening to my problems. But I now know that by doing this, I am actually being selfish by thinking that the people who are close to me do not deserve to help me ease my pain. Sure times could be difficult and sure people can get tired of listening to problems, but that does not mean you can Fuck your life. Some people might have more difficult problems that they are dealing with, but they are trying as hard as they can to survive.

     People might say that they are just words, but words are not meaningless. They can be powerful. So if you think you are having an "FML" moment. Think. Do I really want to fuck my own life?

  • The Turn Off

     

      I was watching tv last night, and I saw how stupid people can get with trying to impress someone. And it inspired me to write a story about it. I just want to throw it out there, that sometimes trying to impress someone just results in a bad ending.

     

      She held her cell phone close to her chest. “Should I do it?” she wondered out loud. “But maybe he can be—Oh God! This isn’t going to work—But he might for me? — No, they never change—But we could—AHH!” She threw herself unto her bed; the question was too much for her to deal with.

      “Janet!”

      “What!” she shouted as she sat up to see the new visitor.
      “Whoa, didn’t mean to wake you up.”
      “I’m sorry. I’m kinda stressed.  I was in the middle of making a decision.”
     Danielle, Janet’s best friend, examined her thoroughly from her brown, almond eyes to her bright, pink toenails. “Oh yah, return it.”

      “What?”
      “That jacket,” Danielle pointed out, “you should definitely return it. It’s kinda ugly.”

    Janet looked over her black sweat pants and purple sweater. “That’s not what I was deciding on!”
      “Oh. Kidding.” Danielle laughed awkwardly.

    Janet laid down on her pillows with a dreamy look on her face. “I met a boy…”

     

     

          Janet had just finished work and was craving something. She walked into Yomama, a café that had just opened down the street. Her stomach was rumbling so hard that she made a beeline for the yogurt stand, ignoring the brightly painted walls and amateur guitarist playing Jason Mraz’s I’m Yours on the corner.

          She reached over for the mango tart just as a young man went to buy one. Their fingers brushed against one another. He looked up; she looked up. Instantly, their eyes met each other, sparks flew, and they both smiled. All Janet could hear was her heart beating as she gazed upon the man’s sparkling, brown eyes and gelled, spiked-up black hair.

     

     

          

    “I mean, he’s the whole package Danielle! He was hot, he was smart, he was funny, he was tall...hot…and smart! He was perr-fect!”
         Danielle was now even more interested in her best friend’s new found man. “Is he, like, model perfect or actor perfect?”
          “Both!” giggled Janet with a dreamy expression.

          “So then, what’s the problem?”
         “Well…We talked, and he gave me his number. Everything was going good, but then, he took out a cigarette and lit it!”
          Danielle started laughing hysterically.

     “Why are you laughing, you jerk!” complained Janet. To further emphasize her annoyance, Janet threw a pillow straight at Danielle’s head.

     Danielle dodged the pillow easily. She got her friend’s point and tried stifling her laughter. “Well, now what?” she asked, fixing up her brown ponytail.
          Janet sighed as she stared at her cell phone.

         Danielle became curious as she saw the sudden change in her best friend’s expression. She grabbed the phone from Janet’s hands. “Is this his phone number?”

      With a dreamy look on her face, Janet nodded.

    Danielle grinned. She pressed the call button and threw the cell phone back to Janet. “Have fun!”
     “What are you doing?” Janet cried.  She fumbled with her cell phone, trying to hang up.

      “Now all he’s going to see is a miscall,” said the annoyed Danielle.

     “I was deciding on whether to call him or not!”
     “Well, why not?” Danielle was confused. “You said he was perr-fect!”
     “I told you,” Janet threw her hands up in frustration. “He smokes. I hate smoke!”
     “It’s just a date, big whoop.”

    Janet tried to listen to her best friend’s reasoning, but she could not keep the picture of herself choking in cancerous smoke out of her head. She cringed in disgust. “But it’s nasty.”

     “I know,” Danielle teased, “you make him quit. For you.”
     “Forget that! That never happens.”
     “But you can make it happen”
     “No Danielle, I think I would know if I can make it happen.”
    Danielle tried explaining her side of the argument over Janet’s voice—even if she knew that Janet will not be listening—like all the other times before.
     “These things just make these kind of—”

    Ring! Ring!

    The two girls went silent as they read the name. Janet’s heart raced as she slowly reached for the ringing phone and brought it up to her ear.

     

    “H-hello, Janet?” a deep male voice from the phone asked, “I got a miscall.”
     “Y-yea?” Janet replied feeling tongue tied. “No, that wasn’t me…”

    “Umm, are you sure? ‘cause I just saw your name on my phone a few seconds ago.”

     “That’s a funny story, but yah…” Janet laughed awkwardly.

    “Huh, what?”

    “Umm…Hello.”

    “Uh hey, well now that I had you here. Are you free for dinner?”
    What?! I still haven’t decided yet! Danielle urges Janet to say yes, but Janet kept mouthing  the words no to her.

    “Y-yes. I like dinner.” Janet finally said.

    “Cool, I’ll call you later then.”

    “Ok, laters.”

    Danielle was grinning like crazy as Janet hanged up the phone.

     “Ask him if he has a brother.”
     “Oh geez!” moaned Janet.

     

     

     

      The sky was full of stars by the time Phil and Janet came back from their date. Janet walked ahead of Phil as they reached her doorstep. When she turned around, she saw Phil with another cigarette in his mouth.

    “Wow…” Janet said as she watched the smoke float in the air. “So is that like your eighth one tonight?”
     “Yah, I don’t really know.” He replied as he took the half lit cigarette from his mouth and crushed it with his Nike’s shoes. “I lost count. I just love those things.”
     “So tonight was fun. Dinner was great.”
     “Yah, I thought so too. The bread was really good...”

    The two stood at the doorstep in awkward silence. Janet watched in horror as Phil started to lean forward with closed eyes and puckered lips.

      His lips are getting closer and closer towards hers, thoughts rushed into Janet’s Head.

    Oh God, he looks so cute—wait, no! He used that mouth to smokeBut he’s so cute. I’ll tell him I hate smoke. Should I? Yes .No. AHH! He’s almost here, what should I do?

     Janet’s hand went to her lips in defence, “Ah, what are you doing?”
     Phil’s eyes shot open and leaned back hurriedly. “Oh well, you had fun. And I had fun, and we we’re clicking…I’m sorry that was way too forward.”
     “N-no it’s not that,” Janet started to explain. “Here’s the thing. I like you, a lot-”
     “That’s fun, that’s more than a little.”
     “Yah, but I don’t really like that you smoke. I’m sorry.”

    Janet stared at Phil’s smooth olive skinned face, waiting for an answer.

     “W-wait, say that again... So you don’t like that I smoke.”
    Janet shook her head no as Phil’s face showed disgust. His tongue went out. He shook both his hands and head. He moaned.
     “Are you ok, Phil?”

     “No!” Phil said sadly, “I thought you like smoking. That’s why I was doing it so much.”
     “No. No. No. Why would you think that?”
     “I don’t know. I thought girls thought it was cool or sexy or something.”
     “No, that’s not true!”
     “So girls don’t like it?”
     “No,” Janet tucked her long black hair behind her ears, “I don’t think so.”
      Janet heard Phil muttered Stupid! What a waste of money. Janet crossed her fingers behind her back. “So does that mean you don’t smoke?”
     Phil stopped muttering and smiled straight at her. “No.”
     Janet’s heart skipped, she wanted to make sure she was hearing well. “So, you’re not a smoker?”
    ”No.”
    Yes! Janet cheered inside.
    Yes! Yes! Yes! He doesn’t smoke!
     Phil started to say.” I’m glad you said something, or I would have been…”
     “Yah…” Both said as they looked away from each other. Silence once again filled the starry sky until Phil suddenly looked at Janet.

     “So can we kiss now?”

     

    -o- Story inspired by wongfu productions. -o-

  • sleep_chibi   

     Most teenagers define school as a jail, some find it a place to get away from home. School is a big part of my life.

     My brain takes a little longer to get use to change, it accepts things gradually. During school, lessons after lessons in each class keeps piling up. I try hard to keep up and try to understand what the teachers are saying before the next day, but my brain is still at summer time mode.  Just recently, I got a slight fever. I also think that running hard in the rain did not help at all, but that is not I am going to write about.

      During summer, we sleep late,wake up late, pretty much do whatever we want. Then school starts and we have to follow a time schedule and study for tests or quizzes. What do you do when change comes? Do you just sit down and let is past? Do you go along with it? Or are you one of the people who won't let go of the past just yet? Change is inevitable, everybody experiences it. But it is how we accept change that is different than the people around us. Hopefully there are some people that will help you on the way.

  • Not one of them.

    Jealousy: a feeling of jealous envy especially from a rival

     You heard those stories about jealousy in a relationship. The partner trying to butt in whenever they find someone getting too close to the other, or even telling other people to stop hangin around them.

     I've seen and heard those problems too many times with other couples. I told myself I will never be like one of them: Obsessive, jealous, bossy...

     I trust him, I have no reason to be jealous. He choose me over many other people from his town. And yet why am I jealous? It bugs me to pieces when he is too friendly with other girls, but I'm not going to let it get to me. I like him too much to risk a chance of us fighting over something stupid.

     So I'll stand by my words. I will not be like them.

     

  • Feelings Before the New School Year

    Anxious, nervous, scared, or excited?

     Those are just some of the feelings that are dwelling in my body right now. School is just around the corner, in fact it is just a couple of hours away.

     Summer is already over, and for the first time ever, the weather came at the right time. Summer this year felt too short. Probably because I was actually active.
     
     Time to find all my supplies, and start trudging my way back to school with my heavy backpack. Now that I am on my final year at my school, most of my friends have moved to a bigger school.

     New school year, new haircut, new faces. And a fresh new start for me.

     I wish everyone their best on the new school year!

  • Nounai Maker

      I found this nounai maker after watching Arashi playing with it one day.

          The nounai maker is this site which can read your mind and shows what is inside using a picture. All you have to do is click this link http://maker.usoko.net/nounai/  and write your nickname or fullname. The results will come up in kanji and it will show you what is in your mind.

    This is the index for the kanji meanings:

     nounaiindex

     This is what was in my mind, it is pretty funny how accurate it could be.

    nikki I have lies(red), worries( blue) love(pink), food( green), and a lot of escape( semi yellow?).

       Its not scientific but its very fun to use.

  •    Sleep is the best medicine my mind has ever taken, yet why can't my body agree?

       Yesterday, my schedule took every last bit of me. Wake up around 7, fix my gym bag, eat breakfast, find some lunch, and head out by 8. I arrived at the seminar really close to being late. For the next eight hours, I was being taught by the highest rank master of Taekwon-do.  It was an amazing experience! I learned more about the martial art in that day than in 2 months in the dojang.

      After the seminar, I was suppose to have an hour and a half to return home and get ready for a dance performance. But the seminar ran late, and I only had thirty minutes left. Somehow my family and I made it just in time. We stayed for the party until very late, I think I passed out in bed  because I couldn't remember my dream that night xD

      I felt so happy the next morning because there was nothing planned in the week, but my muscles ached all over. Haha, I wish I can stay in bed, but I have to clean the house.

  •   The girl practically lived in her bestfriend's house. Her bestfriend's family knew her like she was part of the family. She'll occasionally help out the parents, look after the younger siblings, or take care of their pet. She used to come over to talk about the latest gossip, to share some of her favourite artist, and just t hang out with her friend. Everytime she visits she'll find herself in a fight with the older brother because of the constant teasing. The years went by and the girl had to move. She found herself missing those moments. Although she woudn't admit it, she does like him. The girl grew older and moved. And by some strange moment, they met again. They started chatting and laughing about the old times. She realized that she still liked him and blurted it out. Turns out he also always liked her.

      boy_holding_roses  I've never really thought, that a similar cliché story could ever happen to me.

    Gulay,my heart started beating so fast when I heard from him again. I was in pure shock when he told me

    "I like you." Maybe it was just 'the tought of the idea of me liking someone' that made me say yes. But right now, I'm not regretting it.  Although it might be awkward when I'll see my friend.   xP I'll just hope for the best.

Sunday, 25 October 2009

  • My Last Post. Goodbye and Hello.

     This will be my last post before I move on and I will no longer be blogging at xanga. I am finally able to close another chapter in my life. These last few days haven't been the greatest. It felt as if I was on quick sand, frantically grasping at wet glass. But my technology free vacation, that I just recently took, gave me time to reflect on myself. It helped remind me of who I am and who I want to become. Xanga has been with me since Winnipeg, and I think it’s time for me to let go.

     

     Letting go, especially of things you don’t really want to let go of and of the past that had become a part of you, hurts. A lot. I’ll be honest. I’m selfish; I sometimes wish for the way things were before. But then I see the people we’ve become and I realize things will never be exactly the way it was. We’re different people now; shaped by the different experiences we’ve had. It’s never going to be the same, but at the same time it would be a new exciting experience to see each other again.

     

     I still miss how we all used to be, especially when I visit your tumblrs or facebook. You’d think I’ll be over it by now, hah, I’m not. No surprise there.

     

         “Keep smiling, keep going, everything has a reason, things will get better.”

     

     I lived using that motto for years. I tried to keep myself busy, by trying to “adapt”. Make new friends, get new hobbies, all that jazz. Not even for a second would I allow myself to stop and think of what I’ve lost. I was scared that if I allowed myself to think of the past, I’d cry and never stop. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself because I would think that other people have it worse.

     

     I stayed in that state for almost 3 years until, one day, I gave up.

    I was tired. Exhausted, numb, overwhelmed.

     

     I talked to a trusted person who was willing to lend an ear. I was told that is was perfectly alright for me not to be happy all the time. That it was ok to feel sad, hurt, or lonely. At long last, I admitted my feeling, I did not hide it, nor did I try to fake it. By admitting how I feel, I was able to break the invisible barrier I made to protect myself from being too attached to anyone and start living life again.

     

     No matter how painful this journey was is. I’m thankful for this experience. It taught me many things, like how important my family and faith is, or how to not carry everything on my shoulders.

     

     Being dropped in a place completely new and having to restart everything can be overwhelming. I had to go beyond my comfort zone to establish everything that I have now. Scary? Yes, but what’s life without a little bit of risk taking. So I guess from this day forth. I will stop staying still and looking back, and finally step forward to what God would bring me. Haha, wish me luck!

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

  • Risky Website.

     The room went eerie quiet, as the teacher gave out the assigments for the day. Fingers flew over the keyboard and all that could be heard was the continual clicking of keyboards from the students focused on finishing their work before dismissal.

     In this flock of students, a certain individual with shifty eyes was constantly looking from the electronic device in front of her to her teacher a few computers ahead. She reached for the mouse and slowly made her way to firefox. The window popped up, and she was now completely determined at what she was about to do. She enjoys playing with this international cyber wonderland, with a single click of her mouse, she could explore any topic that enters her mind.

     The girl licked her dry lips as she clicked the website. Her heart started beating twice as fast for she knew that she would get into deep trouble if she got caught, but the school seemed to have missed blocking out that particular website. And she does not hold back with oppurtunities given to her. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the dreadful human full of authority begin to approach her desk. Panic begins to sink in as she quickly aborted every window and began typing random smart sentences in the word processor. A sigh of relief escaped her lips when the teacher past her desk to help out the student beside her and all she needed to do was act cool, calm, composed, and uninterested.

     She opened firfox once again without delay as soon as the teacher left her area. She started to tap on the keybaord and the letters soon turned into words and those turned into sentences. Never before had she enjoyed this class as much as today. She gasped at the time and closed the website with a heavy heart.

     Bring Bring~

     Bodies shot up from thier seats and schoolmates began talking to each other as they left the classroom. So absorbed was she in the website, that she did not notice her friend looking over her shoulder.

     "What the heck were you doing all class?"

     A wave of staicfaction came over her and she smiled brightly to her friend.

     "My blog."

Tuesday, 06 October 2009

  • FML

     FML= Fuck My Life.

     You see teenagers, adults, even kids using this phrase. I find it overdramatic. Was the situtation they were in bad enough that you would fuck your own life?  People use it for the simplest wrong thing;  A bad grade, spilt milk, or when you got told off by someone.

     I no longer feel any sympathy for these people who use this word. I can not understand why people whould want to disregard their own life. Sometimes things get bad and we could not handle it, but that is also the time to ask for some help. It was just recently, that I learned to open up to others. I once thought that I could carry everything in my shoulder, that by doing this, I thought I was being selfless by not asking someone to waste their time listening to my problems. But I now know that by doing this, I am actually being selfish by thinking that the people who are close to me do not deserve to help me ease my pain. Sure times could be difficult and sure people can get tired of listening to problems, but that does not mean you can Fuck your life. Some people might have more difficult problems that they are dealing with, but they are trying as hard as they can to survive.

     People might say that they are just words, but words are not meaningless. They can be powerful. So if you think you are having an "FML" moment. Think. Do I really want to fuck my own life?

Monday, 28 September 2009

  • The Turn Off

     

      I was watching tv last night, and I saw how stupid people can get with trying to impress someone. And it inspired me to write a story about it. I just want to throw it out there, that sometimes trying to impress someone just results in a bad ending.

     

      She held her cell phone close to her chest. “Should I do it?” she wondered out loud. “But maybe he can be—Oh God! This isn’t going to work—But he might for me? — No, they never change—But we could—AHH!” She threw herself unto her bed; the question was too much for her to deal with.

      “Janet!”

      “What!” she shouted as she sat up to see the new visitor.
      “Whoa, didn’t mean to wake you up.”
      “I’m sorry. I’m kinda stressed.  I was in the middle of making a decision.”
     Danielle, Janet’s best friend, examined her thoroughly from her brown, almond eyes to her bright, pink toenails. “Oh yah, return it.”

      “What?”
      “That jacket,” Danielle pointed out, “you should definitely return it. It’s kinda ugly.”

    Janet looked over her black sweat pants and purple sweater. “That’s not what I was deciding on!”
      “Oh. Kidding.” Danielle laughed awkwardly.

    Janet laid down on her pillows with a dreamy look on her face. “I met a boy…”

     

     

          Janet had just finished work and was craving something. She walked into Yomama, a café that had just opened down the street. Her stomach was rumbling so hard that she made a beeline for the yogurt stand, ignoring the brightly painted walls and amateur guitarist playing Jason Mraz’s I’m Yours on the corner.

          She reached over for the mango tart just as a young man went to buy one. Their fingers brushed against one another. He looked up; she looked up. Instantly, their eyes met each other, sparks flew, and they both smiled. All Janet could hear was her heart beating as she gazed upon the man’s sparkling, brown eyes and gelled, spiked-up black hair.

     

     

          

    “I mean, he’s the whole package Danielle! He was hot, he was smart, he was funny, he was tall...hot…and smart! He was perr-fect!”
         Danielle was now even more interested in her best friend’s new found man. “Is he, like, model perfect or actor perfect?”
          “Both!” giggled Janet with a dreamy expression.

          “So then, what’s the problem?”
         “Well…We talked, and he gave me his number. Everything was going good, but then, he took out a cigarette and lit it!”
          Danielle started laughing hysterically.

     “Why are you laughing, you jerk!” complained Janet. To further emphasize her annoyance, Janet threw a pillow straight at Danielle’s head.

     Danielle dodged the pillow easily. She got her friend’s point and tried stifling her laughter. “Well, now what?” she asked, fixing up her brown ponytail.
          Janet sighed as she stared at her cell phone.

         Danielle became curious as she saw the sudden change in her best friend’s expression. She grabbed the phone from Janet’s hands. “Is this his phone number?”

      With a dreamy look on her face, Janet nodded.

    Danielle grinned. She pressed the call button and threw the cell phone back to Janet. “Have fun!”
     “What are you doing?” Janet cried.  She fumbled with her cell phone, trying to hang up.

      “Now all he’s going to see is a miscall,” said the annoyed Danielle.

     “I was deciding on whether to call him or not!”
     “Well, why not?” Danielle was confused. “You said he was perr-fect!”
     “I told you,” Janet threw her hands up in frustration. “He smokes. I hate smoke!”
     “It’s just a date, big whoop.”

    Janet tried to listen to her best friend’s reasoning, but she could not keep the picture of herself choking in cancerous smoke out of her head. She cringed in disgust. “But it’s nasty.”

     “I know,” Danielle teased, “you make him quit. For you.”
     “Forget that! That never happens.”
     “But you can make it happen”
     “No Danielle, I think I would know if I can make it happen.”
    Danielle tried explaining her side of the argument over Janet’s voice—even if she knew that Janet will not be listening—like all the other times before.
     “These things just make these kind of—”

    Ring! Ring!

    The two girls went silent as they read the name. Janet’s heart raced as she slowly reached for the ringing phone and brought it up to her ear.

     

    “H-hello, Janet?” a deep male voice from the phone asked, “I got a miscall.”
     “Y-yea?” Janet replied feeling tongue tied. “No, that wasn’t me…”

    “Umm, are you sure? ‘cause I just saw your name on my phone a few seconds ago.”

     “That’s a funny story, but yah…” Janet laughed awkwardly.

    “Huh, what?”

    “Umm…Hello.”

    “Uh hey, well now that I had you here. Are you free for dinner?”
    What?! I still haven’t decided yet! Danielle urges Janet to say yes, but Janet kept mouthing  the words no to her.

    “Y-yes. I like dinner.” Janet finally said.

    “Cool, I’ll call you later then.”

    “Ok, laters.”

    Danielle was grinning like crazy as Janet hanged up the phone.

     “Ask him if he has a brother.”
     “Oh geez!” moaned Janet.

     

     

     

      The sky was full of stars by the time Phil and Janet came back from their date. Janet walked ahead of Phil as they reached her doorstep. When she turned around, she saw Phil with another cigarette in his mouth.

    “Wow…” Janet said as she watched the smoke float in the air. “So is that like your eighth one tonight?”
     “Yah, I don’t really know.” He replied as he took the half lit cigarette from his mouth and crushed it with his Nike’s shoes. “I lost count. I just love those things.”
     “So tonight was fun. Dinner was great.”
     “Yah, I thought so too. The bread was really good...”

    The two stood at the doorstep in awkward silence. Janet watched in horror as Phil started to lean forward with closed eyes and puckered lips.

      His lips are getting closer and closer towards hers, thoughts rushed into Janet’s Head.

    Oh God, he looks so cute—wait, no! He used that mouth to smokeBut he’s so cute. I’ll tell him I hate smoke. Should I? Yes .No. AHH! He’s almost here, what should I do?

     Janet’s hand went to her lips in defence, “Ah, what are you doing?”
     Phil’s eyes shot open and leaned back hurriedly. “Oh well, you had fun. And I had fun, and we we’re clicking…I’m sorry that was way too forward.”
     “N-no it’s not that,” Janet started to explain. “Here’s the thing. I like you, a lot-”
     “That’s fun, that’s more than a little.”
     “Yah, but I don’t really like that you smoke. I’m sorry.”

    Janet stared at Phil’s smooth olive skinned face, waiting for an answer.

     “W-wait, say that again... So you don’t like that I smoke.”
    Janet shook her head no as Phil’s face showed disgust. His tongue went out. He shook both his hands and head. He moaned.
     “Are you ok, Phil?”

     “No!” Phil said sadly, “I thought you like smoking. That’s why I was doing it so much.”
     “No. No. No. Why would you think that?”
     “I don’t know. I thought girls thought it was cool or sexy or something.”
     “No, that’s not true!”
     “So girls don’t like it?”
     “No,” Janet tucked her long black hair behind her ears, “I don’t think so.”
      Janet heard Phil muttered Stupid! What a waste of money. Janet crossed her fingers behind her back. “So does that mean you don’t smoke?”
     Phil stopped muttering and smiled straight at her. “No.”
     Janet’s heart skipped, she wanted to make sure she was hearing well. “So, you’re not a smoker?”
    ”No.”
    Yes! Janet cheered inside.
    Yes! Yes! Yes! He doesn’t smoke!
     Phil started to say.” I’m glad you said something, or I would have been…”
     “Yah…” Both said as they looked away from each other. Silence once again filled the starry sky until Phil suddenly looked at Janet.

     “So can we kiss now?”

     

    -o- Story inspired by wongfu productions. -o-

Saturday, 26 September 2009

  • sleep_chibi   

     Most teenagers define school as a jail, some find it a place to get away from home. School is a big part of my life.

     My brain takes a little longer to get use to change, it accepts things gradually. During school, lessons after lessons in each class keeps piling up. I try hard to keep up and try to understand what the teachers are saying before the next day, but my brain is still at summer time mode.  Just recently, I got a slight fever. I also think that running hard in the rain did not help at all, but that is not I am going to write about.

      During summer, we sleep late,wake up late, pretty much do whatever we want. Then school starts and we have to follow a time schedule and study for tests or quizzes. What do you do when change comes? Do you just sit down and let is past? Do you go along with it? Or are you one of the people who won't let go of the past just yet? Change is inevitable, everybody experiences it. But it is how we accept change that is different than the people around us. Hopefully there are some people that will help you on the way.

Wednesday, 16 September 2009

  • Not one of them.

    Jealousy: a feeling of jealous envy especially from a rival

     You heard those stories about jealousy in a relationship. The partner trying to butt in whenever they find someone getting too close to the other, or even telling other people to stop hangin around them.

     I've seen and heard those problems too many times with other couples. I told myself I will never be like one of them: Obsessive, jealous, bossy...

     I trust him, I have no reason to be jealous. He choose me over many other people from his town. And yet why am I jealous? It bugs me to pieces when he is too friendly with other girls, but I'm not going to let it get to me. I like him too much to risk a chance of us fighting over something stupid.

     So I'll stand by my words. I will not be like them.

     

Tuesday, 08 September 2009

  • Feelings Before the New School Year

    Anxious, nervous, scared, or excited?

     Those are just some of the feelings that are dwelling in my body right now. School is just around the corner, in fact it is just a couple of hours away.

     Summer is already over, and for the first time ever, the weather came at the right time. Summer this year felt too short. Probably because I was actually active.
     
     Time to find all my supplies, and start trudging my way back to school with my heavy backpack. Now that I am on my final year at my school, most of my friends have moved to a bigger school.

     New school year, new haircut, new faces. And a fresh new start for me.

     I wish everyone their best on the new school year!

Saturday, 29 August 2009

  • Nounai Maker

      I found this nounai maker after watching Arashi playing with it one day.

          The nounai maker is this site which can read your mind and shows what is inside using a picture. All you have to do is click this link http://maker.usoko.net/nounai/  and write your nickname or fullname. The results will come up in kanji and it will show you what is in your mind.

    This is the index for the kanji meanings:

     nounaiindex

     This is what was in my mind, it is pretty funny how accurate it could be.

    nikki I have lies(red), worries( blue) love(pink), food( green), and a lot of escape( semi yellow?).

       Its not scientific but its very fun to use.

Sunday, 23 August 2009

  •    Sleep is the best medicine my mind has ever taken, yet why can't my body agree?

       Yesterday, my schedule took every last bit of me. Wake up around 7, fix my gym bag, eat breakfast, find some lunch, and head out by 8. I arrived at the seminar really close to being late. For the next eight hours, I was being taught by the highest rank master of Taekwon-do.  It was an amazing experience! I learned more about the martial art in that day than in 2 months in the dojang.

      After the seminar, I was suppose to have an hour and a half to return home and get ready for a dance performance. But the seminar ran late, and I only had thirty minutes left. Somehow my family and I made it just in time. We stayed for the party until very late, I think I passed out in bed  because I couldn't remember my dream that night xD

      I felt so happy the next morning because there was nothing planned in the week, but my muscles ached all over. Haha, I wish I can stay in bed, but I have to clean the house.

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

  •   The girl practically lived in her bestfriend's house. Her bestfriend's family knew her like she was part of the family. She'll occasionally help out the parents, look after the younger siblings, or take care of their pet. She used to come over to talk about the latest gossip, to share some of her favourite artist, and just t hang out with her friend. Everytime she visits she'll find herself in a fight with the older brother because of the constant teasing. The years went by and the girl had to move. She found herself missing those moments. Although she woudn't admit it, she does like him. The girl grew older and moved. And by some strange moment, they met again. They started chatting and laughing about the old times. She realized that she still liked him and blurted it out. Turns out he also always liked her.

      boy_holding_roses  I've never really thought, that a similar cliché story could ever happen to me.

    Gulay,my heart started beating so fast when I heard from him again. I was in pure shock when he told me

    "I like you." Maybe it was just 'the tought of the idea of me liking someone' that made me say yes. But right now, I'm not regretting it.  Although it might be awkward when I'll see my friend.   xP I'll just hope for the best.

Weblog

Sunday, 25 October 2009

  • My Last Post. Goodbye and Hello.

     This will be my last post before I move on and I will no longer be blogging at xanga. I am finally able to close another chapter in my life. These last few days haven't been the greatest. It felt as if I was on quick sand, frantically grasping at wet glass. But my technology free vacation, that I just recently took, gave me time to reflect on myself. It helped remind me of who I am and who I want to become. Xanga has been with me since Winnipeg, and I think it’s time for me to let go.

     

     Letting go, especially of things you don’t really want to let go of and of the past that had become a part of you, hurts. A lot. I’ll be honest. I’m selfish; I sometimes wish for the way things were before. But then I see the people we’ve become and I realize things will never be exactly the way it was. We’re different people now; shaped by the different experiences we’ve had. It’s never going to be the same, but at the same time it would be a new exciting experience to see each other again.

     

     I still miss how we all used to be, especially when I visit your tumblrs or facebook. You’d think I’ll be over it by now, hah, I’m not. No surprise there.

     

         “Keep smiling, keep going, everything has a reason, things will get better.”

     

     I lived using that motto for years. I tried to keep myself busy, by trying to “adapt”. Make new friends, get new hobbies, all that jazz. Not even for a second would I allow myself to stop and think of what I’ve lost. I was scared that if I allowed myself to think of the past, I’d cry and never stop. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself because I would think that other people have it worse.

     

     I stayed in that state for almost 3 years until, one day, I gave up.

    I was tired. Exhausted, numb, overwhelmed.

     

     I talked to a trusted person who was willing to lend an ear. I was told that is was perfectly alright for me not to be happy all the time. That it was ok to feel sad, hurt, or lonely. At long last, I admitted my feeling, I did not hide it, nor did I try to fake it. By admitting how I feel, I was able to break the invisible barrier I made to protect myself from being too attached to anyone and start living life again.

     

     No matter how painful this journey was is. I’m thankful for this experience. It taught me many things, like how important my family and faith is, or how to not carry everything on my shoulders.

     

     Being dropped in a place completely new and having to restart everything can be overwhelming. I had to go beyond my comfort zone to establish everything that I have now. Scary? Yes, but what’s life without a little bit of risk taking. So I guess from this day forth. I will stop staying still and looking back, and finally step forward to what God would bring me. Haha, wish me luck!

Weblog

  • My Last Post. Goodbye and Hello.

     This will be my last post before I move on and I will no longer be blogging at xanga. I am finally able to close another chapter in my life. These last few days haven't been the greatest. It felt as if I was on quick sand, frantically grasping at wet glass. But my technology free vacation, that I just recently took, gave me time to reflect on myself. It helped remind me of who I am and who I want to become. Xanga has been with me since Winnipeg, and I think it’s time for me to let go.

     

     Letting go, especially of things you don’t really want to let go of and of the past that had become a part of you, hurts. A lot. I’ll be honest. I’m selfish; I sometimes wish for the way things were before. But then I see the people we’ve become and I realize things will never be exactly the way it was. We’re different people now; shaped by the different experiences we’ve had. It’s never going to be the same, but at the same time it would be a new exciting experience to see each other again.

     

     I still miss how we all used to be, especially when I visit your tumblrs or facebook. You’d think I’ll be over it by now, hah, I’m not. No surprise there.

     

         “Keep smiling, keep going, everything has a reason, things will get better.”

     

     I lived using that motto for years. I tried to keep myself busy, by trying to “adapt”. Make new friends, get new hobbies, all that jazz. Not even for a second would I allow myself to stop and think of what I’ve lost. I was scared that if I allowed myself to think of the past, I’d cry and never stop. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself because I would think that other people have it worse.

     

     I stayed in that state for almost 3 years until, one day, I gave up.

    I was tired. Exhausted, numb, overwhelmed.

     

     I talked to a trusted person who was willing to lend an ear. I was told that is was perfectly alright for me not to be happy all the time. That it was ok to feel sad, hurt, or lonely. At long last, I admitted my feeling, I did not hide it, nor did I try to fake it. By admitting how I feel, I was able to break the invisible barrier I made to protect myself from being too attached to anyone and start living life again.

     

     No matter how painful this journey was is. I’m thankful for this experience. It taught me many things, like how important my family and faith is, or how to not carry everything on my shoulders.

     

     Being dropped in a place completely new and having to restart everything can be overwhelming. I had to go beyond my comfort zone to establish everything that I have now. Scary? Yes, but what’s life without a little bit of risk taking. So I guess from this day forth. I will stop staying still and looking back, and finally step forward to what God would bring me. Haha, wish me luck!

  • Risky Website.

     The room went eerie quiet, as the teacher gave out the assigments for the day. Fingers flew over the keyboard and all that could be heard was the continual clicking of keyboards from the students focused on finishing their work before dismissal.

     In this flock of students, a certain individual with shifty eyes was constantly looking from the electronic device in front of her to her teacher a few computers ahead. She reached for the mouse and slowly made her way to firefox. The window popped up, and she was now completely determined at what she was about to do. She enjoys playing with this international cyber wonderland, with a single click of her mouse, she could explore any topic that enters her mind.

     The girl licked her dry lips as she clicked the website. Her heart started beating twice as fast for she knew that she would get into deep trouble if she got caught, but the school seemed to have missed blocking out that particular website. And she does not hold back with oppurtunities given to her. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the dreadful human full of authority begin to approach her desk. Panic begins to sink in as she quickly aborted every window and began typing random smart sentences in the word processor. A sigh of relief escaped her lips when the teacher past her desk to help out the student beside her and all she needed to do was act cool, calm, composed, and uninterested.

     She opened firfox once again without delay as soon as the teacher left her area. She started to tap on the keybaord and the letters soon turned into words and those turned into sentences. Never before had she enjoyed this class as much as today. She gasped at the time and closed the website with a heavy heart.

     Bring Bring~

     Bodies shot up from thier seats and schoolmates began talking to each other as they left the classroom. So absorbed was she in the website, that she did not notice her friend looking over her shoulder.

     "What the heck were you doing all class?"

     A wave of staicfaction came over her and she smiled brightly to her friend.

     "My blog."

  • FML

     FML= Fuck My Life.

     You see teenagers, adults, even kids using this phrase. I find it overdramatic. Was the situtation they were in bad enough that you would fuck your own life?  People use it for the simplest wrong thing;  A bad grade, spilt milk, or when you got told off by someone.

     I no longer feel any sympathy for these people who use this word. I can not understand why people whould want to disregard their own life. Sometimes things get bad and we could not handle it, but that is also the time to ask for some help. It was just recently, that I learned to open up to others. I once thought that I could carry everything in my shoulder, that by doing this, I thought I was being selfless by not asking someone to waste their time listening to my problems. But I now know that by doing this, I am actually being selfish by thinking that the people who are close to me do not deserve to help me ease my pain. Sure times could be difficult and sure people can get tired of listening to problems, but that does not mean you can Fuck your life. Some people might have more difficult problems that they are dealing with, but they are trying as hard as they can to survive.

     People might say that they are just words, but words are not meaningless. They can be powerful. So if you think you are having an "FML" moment. Think. Do I really want to fuck my own life?

  • The Turn Off

     

      I was watching tv last night, and I saw how stupid people can get with trying to impress someone. And it inspired me to write a story about it. I just want to throw it out there, that sometimes trying to impress someone just results in a bad ending.

     

      She held her cell phone close to her chest. “Should I do it?” she wondered out loud. “But maybe he can be—Oh God! This isn’t going to work—But he might for me? — No, they never change—But we could—AHH!” She threw herself unto her bed; the question was too much for her to deal with.

      “Janet!”

      “What!” she shouted as she sat up to see the new visitor.
      “Whoa, didn’t mean to wake you up.”
      “I’m sorry. I’m kinda stressed.  I was in the middle of making a decision.”
     Danielle, Janet’s best friend, examined her thoroughly from her brown, almond eyes to her bright, pink toenails. “Oh yah, return it.”

      “What?”
      “That jacket,” Danielle pointed out, “you should definitely return it. It’s kinda ugly.”

    Janet looked over her black sweat pants and purple sweater. “That’s not what I was deciding on!”
      “Oh. Kidding.” Danielle laughed awkwardly.

    Janet laid down on her pillows with a dreamy look on her face. “I met a boy…”

     

     

          Janet had just finished work and was craving something. She walked into Yomama, a café that had just opened down the street. Her stomach was rumbling so hard that she made a beeline for the yogurt stand, ignoring the brightly painted walls and amateur guitarist playing Jason Mraz’s I’m Yours on the corner.

          She reached over for the mango tart just as a young man went to buy one. Their fingers brushed against one another. He looked up; she looked up. Instantly, their eyes met each other, sparks flew, and they both smiled. All Janet could hear was her heart beating as she gazed upon the man’s sparkling, brown eyes and gelled, spiked-up black hair.

     

     

          

    “I mean, he’s the whole package Danielle! He was hot, he was smart, he was funny, he was tall...hot…and smart! He was perr-fect!”
         Danielle was now even more interested in her best friend’s new found man. “Is he, like, model perfect or actor perfect?”
          “Both!” giggled Janet with a dreamy expression.

          “So then, what’s the problem?”
         “Well…We talked, and he gave me his number. Everything was going good, but then, he took out a cigarette and lit it!”
          Danielle started laughing hysterically.

     “Why are you laughing, you jerk!” complained Janet. To further emphasize her annoyance, Janet threw a pillow straight at Danielle’s head.

     Danielle dodged the pillow easily. She got her friend’s point and tried stifling her laughter. “Well, now what?” she asked, fixing up her brown ponytail.
          Janet sighed as she stared at her cell phone.

         Danielle became curious as she saw the sudden change in her best friend’s expression. She grabbed the phone from Janet’s hands. “Is this his phone number?”

      With a dreamy look on her face, Janet nodded.

    Danielle grinned. She pressed the call button and threw the cell phone back to Janet. “Have fun!”
     “What are you doing?” Janet cried.  She fumbled with her cell phone, trying to hang up.

      “Now all he’s going to see is a miscall,” said the annoyed Danielle.

     “I was deciding on whether to call him or not!”
     “Well, why not?” Danielle was confused. “You said he was perr-fect!”
     “I told you,” Janet threw her hands up in frustration. “He smokes. I hate smoke!”
     “It’s just a date, big whoop.”

    Janet tried to listen to her best friend’s reasoning, but she could not keep the picture of herself choking in cancerous smoke out of her head. She cringed in disgust. “But it’s nasty.”

     “I know,” Danielle teased, “you make him quit. For you.”
     “Forget that! That never happens.”
     “But you can make it happen”
     “No Danielle, I think I would know if I can make it happen.”
    Danielle tried explaining her side of the argument over Janet’s voice—even if she knew that Janet will not be listening—like all the other times before.
     “These things just make these kind of—”

    Ring! Ring!

    The two girls went silent as they read the name. Janet’s heart raced as she slowly reached for the ringing phone and brought it up to her ear.

     

    “H-hello, Janet?” a deep male voice from the phone asked, “I got a miscall.”
     “Y-yea?” Janet replied feeling tongue tied. “No, that wasn’t me…”

    “Umm, are you sure? ‘cause I just saw your name on my phone a few seconds ago.”

     “That’s a funny story, but yah…” Janet laughed awkwardly.

    “Huh, what?”

    “Umm…Hello.”

    “Uh hey, well now that I had you here. Are you free for dinner?”
    What?! I still haven’t decided yet! Danielle urges Janet to say yes, but Janet kept mouthing  the words no to her.

    “Y-yes. I like dinner.” Janet finally said.

    “Cool, I’ll call you later then.”

    “Ok, laters.”

    Danielle was grinning like crazy as Janet hanged up the phone.

     “Ask him if he has a brother.”
     “Oh geez!” moaned Janet.

     

     

     

      The sky was full of stars by the time Phil and Janet came back from their date. Janet walked ahead of Phil as they reached her doorstep. When she turned around, she saw Phil with another cigarette in his mouth.

    “Wow…” Janet said as she watched the smoke float in the air. “So is that like your eighth one tonight?”
     “Yah, I don’t really know.” He replied as he took the half lit cigarette from his mouth and crushed it with his Nike’s shoes. “I lost count. I just love those things.”
     “So tonight was fun. Dinner was great.”
     “Yah, I thought so too. The bread was really good...”

    The two stood at the doorstep in awkward silence. Janet watched in horror as Phil started to lean forward with closed eyes and puckered lips.

      His lips are getting closer and closer towards hers, thoughts rushed into Janet’s Head.

    Oh God, he looks so cute—wait, no! He used that mouth to smokeBut he’s so cute. I’ll tell him I hate smoke. Should I? Yes .No. AHH! He’s almost here, what should I do?

     Janet’s hand went to her lips in defence, “Ah, what are you doing?”
     Phil’s eyes shot open and leaned back hurriedly. “Oh well, you had fun. And I had fun, and we we’re clicking…I’m sorry that was way too forward.”
     “N-no it’s not that,” Janet started to explain. “Here’s the thing. I like you, a lot-”
     “That’s fun, that’s more than a little.”
     “Yah, but I don’t really like that you smoke. I’m sorry.”

    Janet stared at Phil’s smooth olive skinned face, waiting for an answer.

     “W-wait, say that again... So you don’t like that I smoke.”
    Janet shook her head no as Phil’s face showed disgust. His tongue went out. He shook both his hands and head. He moaned.
     “Are you ok, Phil?”

     “No!” Phil said sadly, “I thought you like smoking. That’s why I was doing it so much.”
     “No. No. No. Why would you think that?”
     “I don’t know. I thought girls thought it was cool or sexy or something.”
     “No, that’s not true!”
     “So girls don’t like it?”
     “No,” Janet tucked her long black hair behind her ears, “I don’t think so.”
      Janet heard Phil muttered Stupid! What a waste of money. Janet crossed her fingers behind her back. “So does that mean you don’t smoke?”
     Phil stopped muttering and smiled straight at her. “No.”
     Janet’s heart skipped, she wanted to make sure she was hearing well. “So, you’re not a smoker?”
    ”No.”
    Yes! Janet cheered inside.
    Yes! Yes! Yes! He doesn’t smoke!
     Phil started to say.” I’m glad you said something, or I would have been…”
     “Yah…” Both said as they looked away from each other. Silence once again filled the starry sky until Phil suddenly looked at Janet.

     “So can we kiss now?”

     

    -o- Story inspired by wongfu productions. -o-

  • sleep_chibi   

     Most teenagers define school as a jail, some find it a place to get away from home. School is a big part of my life.

     My brain takes a little longer to get use to change, it accepts things gradually. During school, lessons after lessons in each class keeps piling up. I try hard to keep up and try to understand what the teachers are saying before the next day, but my brain is still at summer time mode.  Just recently, I got a slight fever. I also think that running hard in the rain did not help at all, but that is not I am going to write about.

      During summer, we sleep late,wake up late, pretty much do whatever we want. Then school starts and we have to follow a time schedule and study for tests or quizzes. What do you do when change comes? Do you just sit down and let is past? Do you go along with it? Or are you one of the people who won't let go of the past just yet? Change is inevitable, everybody experiences it. But it is how we accept change that is different than the people around us. Hopefully there are some people that will help you on the way.

  • Not one of them.

    Jealousy: a feeling of jealous envy especially from a rival

     You heard those stories about jealousy in a relationship. The partner trying to butt in whenever they find someone getting too close to the other, or even telling other people to stop hangin around them.

     I've seen and heard those problems too many times with other couples. I told myself I will never be like one of them: Obsessive, jealous, bossy...

     I trust him, I have no reason to be jealous. He choose me over many other people from his town. And yet why am I jealous? It bugs me to pieces when he is too friendly with other girls, but I'm not going to let it get to me. I like him too much to risk a chance of us fighting over something stupid.

     So I'll stand by my words. I will not be like them.

     

  • Feelings Before the New School Year

    Anxious, nervous, scared, or excited?

     Those are just some of the feelings that are dwelling in my body right now. School is just around the corner, in fact it is just a couple of hours away.

     Summer is already over, and for the first time ever, the weather came at the right time. Summer this year felt too short. Probably because I was actually active.
     
     Time to find all my supplies, and start trudging my way back to school with my heavy backpack. Now that I am on my final year at my school, most of my friends have moved to a bigger school.

     New school year, new haircut, new faces. And a fresh new start for me.

     I wish everyone their best on the new school year!

  • Nounai Maker

      I found this nounai maker after watching Arashi playing with it one day.

          The nounai maker is this site which can read your mind and shows what is inside using a picture. All you have to do is click this link http://maker.usoko.net/nounai/  and write your nickname or fullname. The results will come up in kanji and it will show you what is in your mind.

    This is the index for the kanji meanings:

     nounaiindex

     This is what was in my mind, it is pretty funny how accurate it could be.

    nikki I have lies(red), worries( blue) love(pink), food( green), and a lot of escape( semi yellow?).

       Its not scientific but its very fun to use.

  •    Sleep is the best medicine my mind has ever taken, yet why can't my body agree?

       Yesterday, my schedule took every last bit of me. Wake up around 7, fix my gym bag, eat breakfast, find some lunch, and head out by 8. I arrived at the seminar really close to being late. For the next eight hours, I was being taught by the highest rank master of Taekwon-do.  It was an amazing experience! I learned more about the martial art in that day than in 2 months in the dojang.

      After the seminar, I was suppose to have an hour and a half to return home and get ready for a dance performance. But the seminar ran late, and I only had thirty minutes left. Somehow my family and I made it just in time. We stayed for the party until very late, I think I passed out in bed  because I couldn't remember my dream that night xD

      I felt so happy the next morning because there was nothing planned in the week, but my muscles ached all over. Haha, I wish I can stay in bed, but I have to clean the house.

  •   The girl practically lived in her bestfriend's house. Her bestfriend's family knew her like she was part of the family. She'll occasionally help out the parents, look after the younger siblings, or take care of their pet. She used to come over to talk about the latest gossip, to share some of her favourite artist, and just t hang out with her friend. Everytime she visits she'll find herself in a fight with the older brother because of the constant teasing. The years went by and the girl had to move. She found herself missing those moments. Although she woudn't admit it, she does like him. The girl grew older and moved. And by some strange moment, they met again. They started chatting and laughing about the old times. She realized that she still liked him and blurted it out. Turns out he also always liked her.

      boy_holding_roses  I've never really thought, that a similar cliché story could ever happen to me.

    Gulay,my heart started beating so fast when I heard from him again. I was in pure shock when he told me

    "I like you." Maybe it was just 'the tought of the idea of me liking someone' that made me say yes. But right now, I'm not regretting it.  Although it might be awkward when I'll see my friend.   xP I'll just hope for the best.

Sunday, 25 October 2009

Weblog

Sunday, 25 October 2009

  • My Last Post. Goodbye and Hello.

     This will be my last post before I move on and I will no longer be blogging at xanga. I am finally able to close another chapter in my life. These last few days haven't been the greatest. It felt as if I was on quick sand, frantically grasping at wet glass. But my technology free vacation, that I just recently took, gave me time to reflect on myself. It helped remind me of who I am and who I want to become. Xanga has been with me since Winnipeg, and I think it’s time for me to let go.

     

     Letting go, especially of things you don’t really want to let go of and of the past that had become a part of you, hurts. A lot. I’ll be honest. I’m selfish; I sometimes wish for the way things were before. But then I see the people we’ve become and I realize things will never be exactly the way it was. We’re different people now; shaped by the different experiences we’ve had. It’s never going to be the same, but at the same time it would be a new exciting experience to see each other again.

     

     I still miss how we all used to be, especially when I visit your tumblrs or facebook. You’d think I’ll be over it by now, hah, I’m not. No surprise there.

     

         “Keep smiling, keep going, everything has a reason, things will get better.”

     

     I lived using that motto for years. I tried to keep myself busy, by trying to “adapt”. Make new friends, get new hobbies, all that jazz. Not even for a second would I allow myself to stop and think of what I’ve lost. I was scared that if I allowed myself to think of the past, I’d cry and never stop. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself because I would think that other people have it worse.

     

     I stayed in that state for almost 3 years until, one day, I gave up.

    I was tired. Exhausted, numb, overwhelmed.

     

     I talked to a trusted person who was willing to lend an ear. I was told that is was perfectly alright for me not to be happy all the time. That it was ok to feel sad, hurt, or lonely. At long last, I admitted my feeling, I did not hide it, nor did I try to fake it. By admitting how I feel, I was able to break the invisible barrier I made to protect myself from being too attached to anyone and start living life again.

     

     No matter how painful this journey was is. I’m thankful for this experience. It taught me many things, like how important my family and faith is, or how to not carry everything on my shoulders.

     

     Being dropped in a place completely new and having to restart everything can be overwhelming. I had to go beyond my comfort zone to establish everything that I have now. Scary? Yes, but what’s life without a little bit of risk taking. So I guess from this day forth. I will stop staying still and looking back, and finally step forward to what God would bring me. Haha, wish me luck!

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

  • Risky Website.

     The room went eerie quiet, as the teacher gave out the assigments for the day. Fingers flew over the keyboard and all that could be heard was the continual clicking of keyboards from the students focused on finishing their work before dismissal.

     In this flock of students, a certain individual with shifty eyes was constantly looking from the electronic device in front of her to her teacher a few computers ahead. She reached for the mouse and slowly made her way to firefox. The window popped up, and she was now completely determined at what she was about to do. She enjoys playing with this international cyber wonderland, with a single click of her mouse, she could explore any topic that enters her mind.

     The girl licked her dry lips as she clicked the website. Her heart started beating twice as fast for she knew that she would get into deep trouble if she got caught, but the school seemed to have missed blocking out that particular website. And she does not hold back with oppurtunities given to her. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the dreadful human full of authority begin to approach her desk. Panic begins to sink in as she quickly aborted every window and began typing random smart sentences in the word processor. A sigh of relief escaped her lips when the teacher past her desk to help out the student beside her and all she needed to do was act cool, calm, composed, and uninterested.

     She opened firfox once again without delay as soon as the teacher left her area. She started to tap on the keybaord and the letters soon turned into words and those turned into sentences. Never before had she enjoyed this class as much as today. She gasped at the time and closed the website with a heavy heart.

     Bring Bring~

     Bodies shot up from thier seats and schoolmates began talking to each other as they left the classroom. So absorbed was she in the website, that she did not notice her friend looking over her shoulder.

     "What the heck were you doing all class?"

     A wave of staicfaction came over her and she smiled brightly to her friend.

     "My blog."

Tuesday, 06 October 2009

  • FML

     FML= Fuck My Life.

     You see teenagers, adults, even kids using this phrase. I find it overdramatic. Was the situtation they were in bad enough that you would fuck your own life?  People use it for the simplest wrong thing;  A bad grade, spilt milk, or when you got told off by someone.

     I no longer feel any sympathy for these people who use this word. I can not understand why people whould want to disregard their own life. Sometimes things get bad and we could not handle it, but that is also the time to ask for some help. It was just recently, that I learned to open up to others. I once thought that I could carry everything in my shoulder, that by doing this, I thought I was being selfless by not asking someone to waste their time listening to my problems. But I now know that by doing this, I am actually being selfish by thinking that the people who are close to me do not deserve to help me ease my pain. Sure times could be difficult and sure people can get tired of listening to problems, but that does not mean you can Fuck your life. Some people might have more difficult problems that they are dealing with, but they are trying as hard as they can to survive.

     People might say that they are just words, but words are not meaningless. They can be powerful. So if you think you are having an "FML" moment. Think. Do I really want to fuck my own life?

Monday, 28 September 2009

  • The Turn Off

     

      I was watching tv last night, and I saw how stupid people can get with trying to impress someone. And it inspired me to write a story about it. I just want to throw it out there, that sometimes trying to impress someone just results in a bad ending.

     

      She held her cell phone close to her chest. “Should I do it?” she wondered out loud. “But maybe he can be—Oh God! This isn’t going to work—But he might for me? — No, they never change—But we could—AHH!” She threw herself unto her bed; the question was too much for her to deal with.

      “Janet!”

      “What!” she shouted as she sat up to see the new visitor.
      “Whoa, didn’t mean to wake you up.”
      “I’m sorry. I’m kinda stressed.  I was in the middle of making a decision.”
     Danielle, Janet’s best friend, examined her thoroughly from her brown, almond eyes to her bright, pink toenails. “Oh yah, return it.”

      “What?”
      “That jacket,” Danielle pointed out, “you should definitely return it. It’s kinda ugly.”

    Janet looked over her black sweat pants and purple sweater. “That’s not what I was deciding on!”
      “Oh. Kidding.” Danielle laughed awkwardly.

    Janet laid down on her pillows with a dreamy look on her face. “I met a boy…”

     

     

          Janet had just finished work and was craving something. She walked into Yomama, a café that had just opened down the street. Her stomach was rumbling so hard that she made a beeline for the yogurt stand, ignoring the brightly painted walls and amateur guitarist playing Jason Mraz’s I’m Yours on the corner.

          She reached over for the mango tart just as a young man went to buy one. Their fingers brushed against one another. He looked up; she looked up. Instantly, their eyes met each other, sparks flew, and they both smiled. All Janet could hear was her heart beating as she gazed upon the man’s sparkling, brown eyes and gelled, spiked-up black hair.

     

     

          

    “I mean, he’s the whole package Danielle! He was hot, he was smart, he was funny, he was tall...hot…and smart! He was perr-fect!”
         Danielle was now even more interested in her best friend’s new found man. “Is he, like, model perfect or actor perfect?”
          “Both!” giggled Janet with a dreamy expression.

          “So then, what’s the problem?”
         “Well…We talked, and he gave me his number. Everything was going good, but then, he took out a cigarette and lit it!”
          Danielle started laughing hysterically.

     “Why are you laughing, you jerk!” complained Janet. To further emphasize her annoyance, Janet threw a pillow straight at Danielle’s head.

     Danielle dodged the pillow easily. She got her friend’s point and tried stifling her laughter. “Well, now what?” she asked, fixing up her brown ponytail.
          Janet sighed as she stared at her cell phone.

         Danielle became curious as she saw the sudden change in her best friend’s expression. She grabbed the phone from Janet’s hands. “Is this his phone number?”

      With a dreamy look on her face, Janet nodded.

    Danielle grinned. She pressed the call button and threw the cell phone back to Janet. “Have fun!”
     “What are you doing?” Janet cried.  She fumbled with her cell phone, trying to hang up.

      “Now all he’s going to see is a miscall,” said the annoyed Danielle.

     “I was deciding on whether to call him or not!”
     “Well, why not?” Danielle was confused. “You said he was perr-fect!”
     “I told you,” Janet threw her hands up in frustration. “He smokes. I hate smoke!”
     “It’s just a date, big whoop.”

    Janet tried to listen to her best friend’s reasoning, but she could not keep the picture of herself choking in cancerous smoke out of her head. She cringed in disgust. “But it’s nasty.”

     “I know,” Danielle teased, “you make him quit. For you.”
     “Forget that! That never happens.”
     “But you can make it happen”
     “No Danielle, I think I would know if I can make it happen.”
    Danielle tried explaining her side of the argument over Janet’s voice—even if she knew that Janet will not be listening—like all the other times before.
     “These things just make these kind of—”

    Ring! Ring!

    The two girls went silent as they read the name. Janet’s heart raced as she slowly reached for the ringing phone and brought it up to her ear.

     

    “H-hello, Janet?” a deep male voice from the phone asked, “I got a miscall.”
     “Y-yea?” Janet replied feeling tongue tied. “No, that wasn’t me…”

    “Umm, are you sure? ‘cause I just saw your name on my phone a few seconds ago.”

     “That’s a funny story, but yah…” Janet laughed awkwardly.

    “Huh, what?”

    “Umm…Hello.”

    “Uh hey, well now that I had you here. Are you free for dinner?”
    What?! I still haven’t decided yet! Danielle urges Janet to say yes, but Janet kept mouthing  the words no to her.

    “Y-yes. I like dinner.” Janet finally said.

    “Cool, I’ll call you later then.”

    “Ok, laters.”

    Danielle was grinning like crazy as Janet hanged up the phone.

     “Ask him if he has a brother.”
     “Oh geez!” moaned Janet.

     

     

     

      The sky was full of stars by the time Phil and Janet came back from their date. Janet walked ahead of Phil as they reached her doorstep. When she turned around, she saw Phil with another cigarette in his mouth.

    “Wow…” Janet said as she watched the smoke float in the air. “So is that like your eighth one tonight?”
     “Yah, I don’t really know.” He replied as he took the half lit cigarette from his mouth and crushed it with his Nike’s shoes. “I lost count. I just love those things.”
     “So tonight was fun. Dinner was great.”
     “Yah, I thought so too. The bread was really good...”

    The two stood at the doorstep in awkward silence. Janet watched in horror as Phil started to lean forward with closed eyes and puckered lips.

      His lips are getting closer and closer towards hers, thoughts rushed into Janet’s Head.

    Oh God, he looks so cute—wait, no! He used that mouth to smokeBut he’s so cute. I’ll tell him I hate smoke. Should I? Yes .No. AHH! He’s almost here, what should I do?

     Janet’s hand went to her lips in defence, “Ah, what are you doing?”
     Phil’s eyes shot open and leaned back hurriedly. “Oh well, you had fun. And I had fun, and we we’re clicking…I’m sorry that was way too forward.”
     “N-no it’s not that,” Janet started to explain. “Here’s the thing. I like you, a lot-”
     “That’s fun, that’s more than a little.”
     “Yah, but I don’t really like that you smoke. I’m sorry.”

    Janet stared at Phil’s smooth olive skinned face, waiting for an answer.

     “W-wait, say that again... So you don’t like that I smoke.”
    Janet shook her head no as Phil’s face showed disgust. His tongue went out. He shook both his hands and head. He moaned.
     “Are you ok, Phil?”

     “No!” Phil said sadly, “I thought you like smoking. That’s why I was doing it so much.”
     “No. No. No. Why would you think that?”
     “I don’t know. I thought girls thought it was cool or sexy or something.”
     “No, that’s not true!”
     “So girls don’t like it?”
     “No,” Janet tucked her long black hair behind her ears, “I don’t think so.”
      Janet heard Phil muttered Stupid! What a waste of money. Janet crossed her fingers behind her back. “So does that mean you don’t smoke?”
     Phil stopped muttering and smiled straight at her. “No.”
     Janet’s heart skipped, she wanted to make sure she was hearing well. “So, you’re not a smoker?”
    ”No.”
    Yes! Janet cheered inside.
    Yes! Yes! Yes! He doesn’t smoke!
     Phil started to say.” I’m glad you said something, or I would have been…”
     “Yah…” Both said as they looked away from each other. Silence once again filled the starry sky until Phil suddenly looked at Janet.

     “So can we kiss now?”

     

    -o- Story inspired by wongfu productions. -o-

Saturday, 26 September 2009

  • sleep_chibi   

     Most teenagers define school as a jail, some find it a place to get away from home. School is a big part of my life.

     My brain takes a little longer to get use to change, it accepts things gradually. During school, lessons after lessons in each class keeps piling up. I try hard to keep up and try to understand what the teachers are saying before the next day, but my brain is still at summer time mode.  Just recently, I got a slight fever. I also think that running hard in the rain did not help at all, but that is not I am going to write about.

      During summer, we sleep late,wake up late, pretty much do whatever we want. Then school starts and we have to follow a time schedule and study for tests or quizzes. What do you do when change comes? Do you just sit down and let is past? Do you go along with it? Or are you one of the people who won't let go of the past just yet? Change is inevitable, everybody experiences it. But it is how we accept change that is different than the people around us. Hopefully there are some people that will help you on the way.

Kushidango

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  • I 'just do it' and will 'grow always.' - fav, slogans from tv